Keep my seat warm

Have you ever sat down in a public area, such as a bus or bench, right after somebody else was sitting there and it's still warm? I don't know about you but if you have had this happen, it actually grosses me out and I can't exactly explain why. It's like a reminder of somebody else's germs or body are left behind. It's weird, but I think about it every day on my bus ride home. I have had this happen so many times now and every time I wonder why people say, "keep my seat warm" when they get up, maybe it's a way of asking somebody to save their seat, or maybe they don't care if it's somebody they know. But for the most part, after sitting in a few people's warmed seats, it's unlikely that I will be using that phrase again.

Mothers in this Dual Income World

It breaks my heart to see new young mothers cry as they leave their new three month old baby in the arms of a stranger as they return to work. But this has become the norm, this is what it takes to make it in today's society. The days of Beverly Cleaver are long gone, and the career of a "homemaker" is only showing up on a handful of filed taxes. Don't get me wrong- I couldn't be more grateful for women's liberation, for our right to vote, and to have education and equality. I am so grateful for these rights and opportunities that are offered to me and my fellow women. But it seems that the right to mother, and to do it full time is not done so freely anymore. Sometimes I envy the women of previous generations who were celebrated as mothers. There are so many responsibilities now cast on women that take away from their responsibilities as mothers. While the men are enjoying a little less pressure on them to provide for the family, the women are not feeling that same weight lifted when it comes to being a mother.

How did it come to this? Why is it that the average home price is now four or five times the average household income? Back in the 50's the rule of thumb was to buy a home double your salary. And now it's five times the household income, which is the salary of both husband and wife combined, not even one salary but five times both! Sure, housing prices are dropping, but still not enough to make things affordable, especially since layoffs are as abundant as foreclosures.

It's discouraging to seriously wonder if you can ever make it. Making it today means one of a few things if you would like to stay at home with your children.... 1) your husband has one of the top producing jobs, (doctors, lawyers,tech, finance & real estate... most of these come along with ridiculous amounts of student loans) or 2) you have family resources to tap into or 3) you live in one of the few affordable pockets left in this country, or 4) perhaps you are really lucky! Otherwise, you are a working mother. Which is fine, and a lot of women prefer to go back to work. Some are intimidated or overwhelmed by full time mothering. But my issue is the fact that within this society the the option is no longer there for those women who want to be at home with their children during the developing years of their lives. It's a tough battle to fight and win, and I admire the sacrifices of both working mothers and mothers at home. I'm sure there is a lot to manage.

I envy the exception... the many mothers who do what they can to work from home or pick up side jobs that rarely take them away from their family, unfortunately not everyone gets this chance. I'm sure time and money are still probably always running short. And to some degree, whether they are working in or out of the home, their time and attention is divided from their children, and the burden of making ends meet in this dual income world does not subside. I encourage women to work and enrich them selves. To study and learn and grow are all things we should seek. But my beef lies with a society that has created demands that are so often unrealistic and not affordable. Demands that steal from the time a mother or father could spend with their children, strengthening future generations. Having the perfect job and the perfect kids don't really go hand in hand...

Fathers are victims of this dual income world as well. They have pressure to provide, when the opportunities to be a top earner are few and far between and put greater demands on time. They don't get the time they want to be there to love and enjoy time with their families. Mothers and fathers are both a part of the decision to let their children be in day care, and I'm sure it is painful for both. But the teary mother who has to work when her baby is sick feels that a part of her is suffering each moment she is at work.

I don't know what I will do when I get there, I suppose I will do the best I can with my situation when the time comes.

Yours Mine and Ours

Families are fascinating! We are born into this world, and into a family unit. It is a beautiful and wonderful thing to have people there to love and provide from the beginning. You grow up with your family, loving them despite their weaknesses and imperfections. We allow those we love most, free trespasses when they make mistakes or offend. Sometimes you feel that it's ok for you to say something critical about a family member because there is an unconditional love that is already assumed, but when somebody outside of the family says the same thing then it would seem uncalled for or too critical. So as families grow up and children get married, the dynamics dramatically change. In-laws bring a new and foreign element to the family, because they are coming from somewhere else. And as you become an in-law to a new family you have a new perspective of your own. When I was first married it was difficult to be in a family that was new and unfamiliar and surrounded by people I didn't really know very well and they did not know me... and yet we were supposed to be family? I was put into family situations that were supposed to feel natural but they didn't. The truth is... it takes time! And it takes effort! And it will never feel the same as your own family so you are better off not comparing and just appreciating the differences. It's difficult not to feel protective of your own family. It's natural to be partial to them, and there is nothing wrong with that. And as an in-law it's natural to feel like an outsider imposing on a family. But it's important to make an effort for the person that you love most- to love the family he loves too. Within the relationship there will always be your family and his family and together you start over and make a family of your own. It is important love yours, mine and ours and not let differences divide you. I'm sure it's difficult as you have that family of your own, finally a family unit that you and your spouse both love equally and you created together. And then it starts over, your children grow and marry and bring new children into the family- once again adding in-laws to the mix. "In-laws" are family by law- that's not exactly the most loving term because it sounds like a legal obligation- and who likes that? And who wants to be that? Even for those who have great relationships with in-laws, they have to make an effort, and see beyond the differences. Each family is unique and beautiful. And no other family will have the same arrangement of strengths and weaknesses as where you came from and offer the family experience that made you who you are. Here, the golden rule should always be applied- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Give each other the benefit of the doubt, be open to see where others come from, because each family is very unique. Learn from others who have been through your stage of life and can offer insight to make it a smooth and rewarding experience.

Dreams are so weird

Dreams are so weird and I just remembered mine. I think it was from this morning while snoozing between my alarms. (It takes three for me to get going in the morning- my poor husband!) And I wanted to go back to sleep to find out what happens.... (which never works.) I don't even know where to begin- places that are supposed to be familiar but are not, people from work mixing with TV characters. Being in it and yet feeling like you are watching it like a movie too... And story plots changing constantly and only remembering pieces and then thinking about it the rest of the day until you eventually forget. And sometimes you are in extremely bizarre or scary circumstances that don't seem weird at all when they are in the dream, like part of mine this morning there was a group of us in some cabana type camp somewhere and somebody was going to shoot me... Other than that I remember glimpses and scenes that have no story line. Dreams are just weird- I don't understand them and never have?

Second Guess the News...

We live in a world where many people believe News=facts. If they heard it on the news then it must be true right? The news would never lie... the truth is, that although the news relies on the most credible sources out there, people and politics are always behind the scenes. They will not lie but they can certainly mislead or share only one side of the story. Some sources are more liberal than others, while others remain on the far right. A lot of this has something to do with where you live. Sadly, news has continued to be muddled in the online world, mostly due to bloggers. Many blogs are set up to look like news sites and post articles, but truly they are just a series of opinion pieces.
I hope that people think twice before blindly believing. It's hard not to, I do it too. And it probably wasn't until college when I studied public relations that I really had the awakening. Did you know that's what PR is? Yes, sorry I am outing the truth about public relations- It's product placement through news. It's all about getting somebody to write a story about your product or company, and putting out the fires of the negative ones. Don't get me wrong, I think PR is great and can benefit an organization in amazing ways. My point is... There is often a motive behind a story- sometimes very innocent and harmless, and sometimes one group is put down to bring their opponent up.
Why do you think those on a Jury are not supposed to watch/read the news during trial? The news is produced by writers who have to make it interesting, and that means there is some bias. They always have all the facts/evidence, and it's not always communicated in context with the story. I hope I am not misunderstood- the news is great, it's just not as pure as the public often believes so I just hope when you hear a story that you read between the lines and watch with critical eyes where necessary.

"There are those you love, and those you just don't know yet..."

This has indeed been my thought for a very long time. The more you get to know somebody the more you understand where they are coming from, you know why they do the things they do and appreciate who they are. Most people are born with good intentions, and although society is in serious moral decline, most people are brought up with a basic understanding of right and wrong, and what they don't know you realize you can't hold them accountable for. Everyone has their own story and their own struggles. The more you know about what somebody has been through, the more your heart is inclined to love and assist them. This is a trite example, but if you have followed the show LOST, then you know at first glance there are a bunch of strangers on an airplane, some with very shady pasts. But as the show opens up their lives, you come to love and appreciate even a criminal like Sawyer. Some people carry burdens from their past- guilt, shame, revenge, anger, abandonment, heartbreak... etc. Receiving love and understanding is the best cure for any of these troubles. And I think we could all do a better job of judging less and loving more. So if you don't already love somebody- then maybe you just don't know them yet.

Why Islam?

I first saw one of these ads on the side of the bus and I was immediately intrigued. I have googled Islam before, and found online resources limiting. Sure, I love Wikipedia, but it was not comprehensive enough and when it comes to religion I like to hear it from the source. After spending quite a bit of time at http://www.whyislam.org/ I feel that I have a better understanding and appreciation of Islam. I was happy to get away from media and social bias and learn both the history and beliefs of one of the worlds largest and most influential religions. Some of it I already knew or had a good idea about, but the clarification was very helpful. I was reminded and comforted by the many similarities between Islam and my own beliefs. I appreciate people who are willing to acknowledge God in their lives and seek to live according to God's will. In a world of modern technology sometimes people look to the Internet for answers, and many religions are misunderstood. It is important to seek the official source and not get too caught up in the here say and slander. I also hope that people will look into http://www.mormon.org/ to begin understanding the truth about Mormons. Many churches do not have one central head, so it's hard to find one official site to represent, but if you know of any others then I would love to know.