Yours Mine and Ours

Families are fascinating! We are born into this world, and into a family unit. It is a beautiful and wonderful thing to have people there to love and provide from the beginning. You grow up with your family, loving them despite their weaknesses and imperfections. We allow those we love most, free trespasses when they make mistakes or offend. Sometimes you feel that it's ok for you to say something critical about a family member because there is an unconditional love that is already assumed, but when somebody outside of the family says the same thing then it would seem uncalled for or too critical. So as families grow up and children get married, the dynamics dramatically change. In-laws bring a new and foreign element to the family, because they are coming from somewhere else. And as you become an in-law to a new family you have a new perspective of your own. When I was first married it was difficult to be in a family that was new and unfamiliar and surrounded by people I didn't really know very well and they did not know me... and yet we were supposed to be family? I was put into family situations that were supposed to feel natural but they didn't. The truth is... it takes time! And it takes effort! And it will never feel the same as your own family so you are better off not comparing and just appreciating the differences. It's difficult not to feel protective of your own family. It's natural to be partial to them, and there is nothing wrong with that. And as an in-law it's natural to feel like an outsider imposing on a family. But it's important to make an effort for the person that you love most- to love the family he loves too. Within the relationship there will always be your family and his family and together you start over and make a family of your own. It is important love yours, mine and ours and not let differences divide you. I'm sure it's difficult as you have that family of your own, finally a family unit that you and your spouse both love equally and you created together. And then it starts over, your children grow and marry and bring new children into the family- once again adding in-laws to the mix. "In-laws" are family by law- that's not exactly the most loving term because it sounds like a legal obligation- and who likes that? And who wants to be that? Even for those who have great relationships with in-laws, they have to make an effort, and see beyond the differences. Each family is unique and beautiful. And no other family will have the same arrangement of strengths and weaknesses as where you came from and offer the family experience that made you who you are. Here, the golden rule should always be applied- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Give each other the benefit of the doubt, be open to see where others come from, because each family is very unique. Learn from others who have been through your stage of life and can offer insight to make it a smooth and rewarding experience.