An Old Soul

Why I belong in a different generation... I write in cursive. I love old movies & old music, modern pop culture does not appeal to me. I miss the old days before cell phones, when- if you didn’t answer your phone that simply meant that you were obviously gone or busy and people couldn’t demand anything more. I enjoy cooking from scratch with real ingredients (I don’t really trust fake sugars, fake butter or other chemical ‘diet’ substitutes.) I think people should just eat less and move more, and just sit on there bottoms whole lot less. I love hand written letters. Of course I appreciate many of the conveniences of technology, but overall I think these machines often absorb more time than they save. I marvel at the idea that not so long ago, 9-5 jobs actually existed and a man could provide for his entire family with his one income. My morals are old fashion too, I believe that people should not sleep together or live together before they are married, I think Sundays should still be observed as the Sabbath rather than a play day and I don’t even mind the idea of prohibition. And there is so much emphasis on skinny these days... I know that my curves would have fit in much better in any other generation where real women had curves. I love classy vintage styles and actually prefer wearing dresses/skirts. Of course I love the idea of things just being cheaper... and I prefer to pay in cash. I believe that women deserve to be courted and men need to put in a little more work to get the girl. I consider myself patriotic and I am grateful and proud to be an American, which often seems to be a thing of the past too. I don’t mind cheesy musicals. I love old ornate architecture and individual style. I know there are so many wonderful things about being born into this generation that would be hard to give up but all too frequently I just feel like an old soul and maybe I belong in a different generation...

Think what you speak

Lost in Translation (Wall St. Journal)

New cognitive research suggests that language profoundly influences the way people see the world; a different sense of blame in Japanese and Spanish

By LERA BORODITSKY

The Gallery Collection/Corbis

The Tower of Babel' by Pieter Brueghel the Elder, 1563.

Do the languages we speak shape the way we think? Do they merely express thoughts, or do the structures in languages (without our knowledge or consent) shape the very thoughts we wish to express?

Take "Humpty Dumpty sat on a..." Even this snippet of a nursery rhyme reveals how much languages can differ from one another. In English, we have to mark the verb for tense; in this case, we say "sat" rather than "sit." In Indonesian you need not (in fact, you can't) change the verb to mark tense.

In Russian, you would have to mark tense and also gender, changing the verb if Mrs. Dumpty did the sitting. You would also have to decide if the sitting event was completed or not. If our ovoid hero sat on the wall for the entire time he was meant to, it would be a different form of the verb than if, say, he had a great fall.

In Turkish, you would have to include in the verb how you acquired this information. For example, if you saw the chubby fellow on the wall with your own eyes, you'd use one form of the verb, but if you had simply read or heard about it, you'd use a different form.

Do English, Indonesian, Russian and Turkish speakers end up attending to, understanding, and remembering their experiences differently simply because they speak different languages?

These questions touch on all the major controversies in the study of mind, with important implications for politics, law and religion. Yet very little empirical work had been done on these questions until recently. The idea that language might shape thought was for a long time considered untestable at best and more often simply crazy and wrong. Now, a flurry of new cognitive science research is showing that in fact, language does profoundly influence how we see the world.

The question of whether languages shape the way we think goes back centuries; Charlemagne proclaimed that "to have a second language is to have a second soul." But the idea went out of favor with scientists when Noam Chomsky's theories of language gained popularity in the 1960s and '70s. Dr. Chomsky proposed that there is a universal grammar for all human languages—essentially, that languages don't really differ from one another in significant ways. And because languages didn't differ from one another, the theory went, it made no sense to ask whether linguistic differences led to differences in thinking.

Use Your Words

Some findings on how language can affect thinking.

• Russian speakers, who have more words for light and dark blues, are better able to visually discriminate shades of blue.
  
• Some indigenous tribes say north, south, east and west, rather than left and right, and as a consequence have great spatial orientation.


• The Piraha, whose language eschews number words in favor of terms like few and many, are not able to keep track of exact quantities.


• In one study, Spanish and Japanese speakers couldn't remember the agents of accidental events as adeptly as English speakers could. Why? In Spanish and Japanese, the agent of causality is dropped: "The vase broke itself," rather than "John broke the vase.

The search for linguistic universals yielded interesting data on languages, but after decades of work, not a single proposed universal has withstood scrutiny. Instead, as linguists probed deeper into the world's languages (7,000 or so, only a fraction of them analyzed), innumerable unpredictable differences emerged.
Of course, just because people talk differently doesn't necessarily mean they think differently. In the past decade, cognitive scientists have begun to measure not just how people talk, but also how they think, asking whether our understanding of even such fundamental domains of experience as space, time and causality could be constructed by language.

For example, in Pormpuraaw, a remote Aboriginal community in Australia, the indigenous languages don't use terms like "left" and "right." Instead, everything is talked about in terms of absolute cardinal directions (north, south, east, west), which means you say things like, "There's an ant on your southwest leg." To say hello in Pormpuraaw, one asks, "Where are you going?", and an appropriate response might be, "A long way to the south-southwest. How about you?" If you don't know which way is which, you literally can't get past hello.

About a third of the world's languages (spoken in all kinds of physical environments) rely on absolute directions for space. As a result of this constant linguistic training, speakers of such languages are remarkably good at staying oriented and keeping track of where they are, even in unfamiliar landscapes. They perform navigational feats scientists once thought were beyond human capabilities. This is a big difference, a fundamentally different way of conceptualizing space, trained by language.

Differences in how people think about space don't end there. People rely on their spatial knowledge to build many other more complex or abstract representations including time, number, musical pitch, kinship relations, morality and emotions. So if Pormpuraawans think differently about space, do they also think differently about other things, like time?

To find out, my colleague Alice Gaby and I traveled to Australia and gave Pormpuraawans sets of pictures that showed temporal progressions (for example, pictures of a man at different ages, or a crocodile growing, or a banana being eaten). Their job was to arrange the shuffled photos on the ground to show the correct temporal order. We tested each person in two separate sittings, each time facing in a different cardinal direction. When asked to do this, English speakers arrange time from left to right. Hebrew speakers do it from right to left (because Hebrew is written from right to left).

Pormpuraawans, we found, arranged time from east to west. That is, seated facing south, time went left to right. When facing north, right to left. When facing east, toward the body, and so on. Of course, we never told any of our participants which direction they faced. The Pormpuraawans not only knew that already, but they also spontaneously used this spatial orientation to construct their representations of time. And many other ways to organize time exist in the world's languages. In Mandarin, the future can be below and the past above. In Aymara, spoken in South America, the future is behind and the past in front.

In addition to space and time, languages also shape how we understand causality. For example, English likes to describe events in terms of agents doing things. English speakers tend to say things like "John broke the vase" even for accidents. Speakers of Spanish or Japanese would be more likely to say "the vase broke itself." Such differences between languages have profound consequences for how their speakers understand events, construct notions of causality and agency, what they remember as eyewitnesses and how much they blame and punish others.

In studies conducted by Caitlin Fausey at Stanford, speakers of English, Spanish and Japanese watched videos of two people popping balloons, breaking eggs and spilling drinks either intentionally or accidentally. Later everyone got a surprise memory test: For each event, can you remember who did it? She discovered a striking cross-linguistic difference in eyewitness memory. Spanish and Japanese speakers did not remember the agents of accidental events as well as did English speakers. Mind you, they remembered the agents of intentional events (for which their language would mention the agent) just fine. But for accidental events, when one wouldn't normally mention the agent in Spanish or Japanese, they didn't encode or remember the agent as well.

In another study, English speakers watched the video of Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" (a wonderful nonagentive coinage introduced into the English language by Justin Timberlake), accompanied by one of two written reports. The reports were identical except in the last sentence where one used the agentive phrase "ripped the costume" while the other said "the costume ripped." Even though everyone watched the same video and witnessed the ripping with their own eyes, language mattered. Not only did people who read "ripped the costume" blame Justin Timberlake more, they also levied a whopping 53% more in fines.

Beyond space, time and causality, patterns in language have been shown to shape many other domains of thought. Russian speakers, who make an extra distinction between light and dark blues in their language, are better able to visually discriminate shades of blue. The Piraha, a tribe in the Amazon in Brazil, whose language eschews number words in favor of terms like few and many, are not able to keep track of exact quantities. And Shakespeare, it turns out, was wrong about roses: Roses by many other names (as told to blindfolded subjects) do not smell as sweet.

Patterns in language offer a window on a culture's dispositions and priorities. For example, English sentence structures focus on agents, and in our criminal-justice system, justice has been done when we've found the transgressor and punished him or her accordingly (rather than finding the victims and restituting appropriately, an alternative approach to justice). So does the language shape cultural values, or does the influence go the other way, or both?

Languages, of course, are human creations, tools we invent and hone to suit our needs. Simply showing that speakers of different languages think differently doesn't tell us whether it's language that shapes thought or the other way around. To demonstrate the causal role of language, what's needed are studies that directly manipulate language and look for effects in cognition.

One of the key advances in recent years has been the demonstration of precisely this causal link. It turns out that if you change how people talk, that changes how they think. If people learn another language, they inadvertently also learn a new way of looking at the world. When bilingual people switch from one language to another, they start thinking differently, too. And if you take away people's ability to use language in what should be a simple nonlinguistic task, their performance can change dramatically, sometimes making them look no smarter than rats or infants. (For example, in recent studies, MIT students were shown dots on a screen and asked to say how many there were. If they were allowed to count normally, they did great. If they simultaneously did a nonlinguistic task—like banging out rhythms—they still did great. But if they did a verbal task when shown the dots—like repeating the words spoken in a news report—their counting fell apart. In other words, they needed their language skills to count.)

All this new research shows us that the languages we speak not only reflect or express our thoughts, but also shape the very thoughts we wish to express. The structures that exist in our languages profoundly shape how we construct reality, and help make us as smart and sophisticated as we are.

Language is a uniquely human gift. When we study language, we are uncovering in part what makes us human, getting a peek at the very nature of human nature. As we uncover how languages and their speakers differ from one another, we discover that human natures too can differ dramatically, depending on the languages we speak. The next steps are to understand the mechanisms through which languages help us construct the incredibly complex knowledge systems we have. Understanding how knowledge is built will allow us to create ideas that go beyond the currently thinkable. This research cuts right to the fundamental questions we all ask about ourselves. How do we come to be the way we are? Why do we think the way we do? An important part of the answer, it turns out, is in the languages we speak.

—Lera Boroditsky is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and editor in chief of Frontiers in Cultural Psychology.

The American Dream

It started with dreams of a bigger world, explorers seeking land and new territories for their mother countries. It was soon followed by a brave little group of puritans seeking religious freedom to live and worship God in their own way. Then there was the dream of Independence and fighting for freedom from our past, from a world of magistrates and strings attached. Pretty soon there was the dream of claiming land- escaping an ancestry of the feudal system- dreams of owning and keeping and tilling your own land and reaping whatever your could sow- hard work that earned something you could keep- the beginning of capitalism and endless opportunities. There were dreams of gold and dreams of unregulated innovation and development. There were dreams to break away from the molds of the past in a land of equal opportunity, dreams of a clean slate and building a new name for your family and posterity. The American dream continued to grow, making education and jobs available to all. Pretty soon the expansion of a transcontinental railroad started to connect all of the dots across the country and dreams spread in every direction. A few decades later the American dream was the picturesque modest home, nicely groomed yard an automobile and a happy family. And over the next few decades something happened- the American Dream got “Biggie Sized.” It turned into a five bedroom home, a three car garage, a couple of cars and a boat, a pool, and a house full of electronics and toys and home theaters and entertainment centers and closets full of clothes and more clothes and pantries and cupboards and two refrigerators full of food, and basements full of “stuff”. And that is just the tangible- there are also the memberships and fine dining, vacations and second homes and trust funds and private schools. I suppose part of the American dream is to “dream the impossible dream”- to think bigger and better than the current state- it is to continue seeking more. But sometimes I wonder- do we forget to look back and appreciate all of the dreams that have already been accomplished, the dreams achieved by those before us that we too easily take for granted. Are we living the American Dream but still asking for more? Will we ever be satisfied or is that the bittersweet of endless potential? Do we lose touch with reality- asking for more, frivolous living built on debt turning our American Dream into a bunch a mini- Versailles? The dreams and potential are still there and endless- the dreams of a start-ups or running your own company, the dream of developing new software, new energy or a medical cure. American dreams have come in many shapes and sizes. It’s the beautiful melting pot of dreams that makes so many of them come true. Dreams can be large or small, but it is a common thread that we all share. Some have been fooled by empty dreams and others have dreamed bigger than they could ever be. Dreams have been dreamt and lived. We share the feeling of disappointment of failed dreams and the joy of dreams come true-- but the opportunity that we have to dream it is the American dream.

Nobody can sleep for you...

You can pay people to cook for you, to clean for you and do all of your shopping for you- But nobody can sleep for you....

Your mother wiped your bottom for you, your nose for you and she washed all of your clothes for you- But she never could sleep for you...

Nobody can really eat for you but they can turn your meals into quick pills, drinks and bars for you- But they cannot give you sleep...

They can give you supplements that stimulate being awake for you- But this is still not sleeping for you....

Your secretary can fax for you, tax for you and write letters and pay bills for you- But she cannot sleep for you....

You can hire a nanny to raise your children for you or a dog walker to walk your dog for you- But there are no substitute sleepers...

Your friends may have dumped your girlfriend for you, lied for you and maybe did you homework for you- But they couldn’t sleep for you...

The internet can find dates for you, find answers and interests for you, tweet for you and poke for you- But it cannot sleep for you...

Sleep requires time, it’s priceless and valuable and nobody is exempt, it’s a fact of life that we all need to plug in and recharge...

Sleep requires you and only you to take care of yourself and sleep- because nobody can do it for you...

Hiccups

Have you tried this? Drinking upside down, through a paper towel, a spoonful of sugar, holding your breath or somebody jumping out to scare you? Hiccups are the strangest thing...

­­­The average hiccup spell can last from a few minutes to a few hours, but some people suffer from extended episodes that last days, months or even years. Hiccups that last longer than 48 hours are called persistent hiccups, and if they've lasted more than a month, you have intractable hiccups. Both types can cause serious health problems and, in some cases, even death. For many of us, hiccups begin in the womb. The recapitulation theory proposes that fetuses use hiccups in respiration ­before their ­lungs are fully developed. This may help explain why premature infants spend up to 2.5 percent of their time hiccuping -- more than full-term babies. As we get older, bouts of hiccups decrease. The most likely time to hiccup is in the evening. Women can hiccup more during the first two weeks of their menstrual cycle, so pregnant women tend to hiccup far less than their nonpregnant counterparts do.

We know what happens during a hiccup. During normal breathing, we take in air from the mouth and nose, and it flows through the pharynx, past the glottis and into the larynx and trachea, ending in the lungs. The diaphragm, a large muscle between the chest and abdomen, aids this airflow. It moves down when we inhale, and then up when we exhale. The phrenic nerves control the movement and sensation of the diaphragm. Any irritation to these nerves induces a spasm of the diaphragm. This spasm causes a person to take a short, quick breath that is then interrupted by the closing of the epiglottis (a flap that protects the glottis, the space between the vocal cords). The sudden closing creates the sound we all know as a hiccup.
So, hiccups are the result of diaphragm spasms. But what causes the irritation that leads to the spasm? There are only a few culprits for common hiccups, which usually disappear within a few minutes. One of the main irritants is a full stomach -- a result of swallowing too much food or air. A distended stomach pushes against the phrenic nerves of the diaphragm, increasing the possibility of irritation and, therefore, hiccups. A full stomach of spicy food can do double damage -- hot foods can be especially irritating to those nerves. As any smoker on a bender can tell you, excess smoking and drinking alcohol can also cause hiccups. A rapid temperature change outside or inside your stomach, from a cold night or a hot beverage, can be irritating enough to induce hiccups. Finally, emotions -- shock, excitement and stress -- can also trigger a hiccup fit.

Persistent and intractable hiccups can have more serious causes. There are hundreds, from hysteria to heart attacks, but most fit into one of five categories: central nervous system problems, metabolic problems, nerve irritation, anesthesia or surgery, and mental health issues. Because these causes are so varied and potentially serious, anyone suffering from hiccups for more than 48 hours should head straight to a doctor.

http://www.howstuffworks.com/

The Glass

Is it half empty or half full? We have all probably been asked this question about how we see the glass? They say it’s a test to find out if you are an optimist or a pessimist. Sometimes I think it might just depend on how “thirsty” you are? How bad you want something, how long you have been waiting, if you ever had it and now it’s gone or perhaps you have always been in want. I admire those people who really appreciate their lot in life, those who are content with the circumstances that they were given. There are always two ways to see something, usually more, so we do have a choice. It’s cliché but true that you can’t always choose what happens to you but you can choose how to react and what actions will follow.

Craving Paris

I don’t know if it’s possible to crave a city... but today I am most certainly craving Paris! Every now & then I get this feeling that I just need to be there. I remember my “Paris Walks” class- of course my favorite- taking on a new area of the city, walking, wandering, tasting, learning, and soaking it all in! Paris is certainly a fun place to visit, but it is even more fun to just BE there. To absorb the city without a set agenda and just let your curiosity/interest guide you from one place to the next. It’s beautiful and charming, and old and unique. The art and architecture and design are amazing and the history makes it even more rich and thought provoking. Sure the sights are amazing and awe- inspiring, but the quaint streets and the people just living their way of life somehow feels like home. I smile when I hear the language gliding through my ears. Everything tastes wonderful and every shop gleams with elegance. The scent of fresh bakeries and the sweetness in the air surrounding each crepe stand, it’s simply heaven. Of course Paris has its share of crazy people and European body odors, but it couldn't be Paris without a little of that to bring you back down to Earth every once in a while. It’s not just Paris, I crave France too- the small villages and Châteaux, the markets and smell of lavender sachets. The proximity to other countries and opportunities for adventure within arms reach in every direction. Oh please, take me there and leave me. Permettez-moi dormir et rever de Paris...

A Biscuit

Some memories really stand out and I thought of this one today as I ate a little “biscuit”...

The sun was shining, the air was humid and salty and it was the most crowded beach I had ever seen, the towels and blankets and chairs were all side by side as though everyone in the whole town was set up to watch a movie at the drive-in all the way down the beach as far as I could see. The people sounded different, we were in Spain but there were so many languages and sounds that I had never heard. The people were different too, quite a variety of colors and styles and so many of the moms forgot to wear their swim tops, and some of the grandma’s too, it looked strange and made me a little uncomfortable looking around, it was odd how none of them were even embarrassed about it. And the men all wore tight little swim trunks. Most of the people were skinny and let their hair go frizzy and unkept. We had our blanket and straw mats set out. I was playing in the sand and waves and pretty soon I made a friend. Kids make friends so easily but when everybody is speaking different languages it can be a little confusing but she spoke English too. But her English sounded a little funny- the kind you hear in movies or how my mom sounded when we told her to read the book “British style.” She asked if I wanted to play with her so she must have heard me speaking English with my brothers and sisters, she was a few years younger than me and I remember a perfectly cut brown bob of hair and really blue eyes although I can’t remember her name. Then I remember her mother asked if I was on “Holiday” and that confused me because it was summer time and the only holiday I could think of had already passed on the Fourth of July, so I told her we were on vacation and that seemed to suffice. Then she asked if we “would like a biscuit?” My mind conjured up the image of a flaky white dry roll, the kind served with gravy or that come with your order at KFC, it seemed too hot and salty so I declined and politely said “no thank you.” But of course my friend said yes and then came my surprise when her mother pulled out a delicious looking cookie; it looked like a thick round graham cracker with chocolate on the bottom. Oh how I had wished I said yes as I watched her eat it in front of me. I didn’t know how to explain that I been confused about what “biscuit” meant so I watched quietly wanting...

Who created you?

Perhaps it was that Valentine that you received in the second grade that said, “you’re beautiful” or it was the time that you didn’t get picked for the soccer team with all of your friends, or playing the lead in the school play, or the time that your teacher told the whole class that you got the high score on the test, or the day that you messed up and got stage fright in your piano recital, or the bully that called you the poor kid, the fat kid or the stupid kid, or that moment that you realized all of the power that came along with being “popular”, or that time when somebody invited you to play and it made you feel special, or how you felt when you got ditched, or that time when you saw somebody picking on your best friend and you stopped them, or when somebody said thank you for something so simple as sharing, or the person who caught you stealing, or when you lied and got away with it, or that day that you made your mother cry, or when you blamed your sister for something you did, or feeling forgotten when your parents were hours late to pick you up from practice, or the angry face you witnessed you saw your first fist fight, or that pit in your stomach when you heard your friends talking about you behind your back, or that butterfly moment when you found out that the boy/girl that you liked- liked you back, or that time that you listened to somebody else’s problems and learned something about yourself, or that person who judged you and you felt misunderstood, or that teacher that filled your brain with crazy ideas that contradicted everything your parents taught, or that friend that you knew was a bad influence that you hung around anyway, or that smart kid who always gave you something to work towards, the president your did a report on in the fifth grade, or that teacher/coach that really encouraged you to new levels, the person who caused your first pang of jealousy, the weird kid who took you to the Prom, the person who really helped you to know that God is real, the character in your favorite book, the people who loved you, the people who sometimes knew you better than yourself despite your willingness to admit it, your mother, your father, your brother or sister, aunt or uncle, cousin or grandmother, or the grandparent you never met but everyone said that you were just like him/her, or the dog that was your best friend and confidant, your first love, the heart that you hated to break, your greatest competition, that friend who would always listen, that person who you knew could understand you, that person who bugged you so much that you did everything opposite just to ensure that you were not like him/her, the friend who moved away, the people who loved to put you in a box, the people who won’t let you grow up and make changes, the people who let you free and who let you learn and be who you want to be, the people that you watched and learned from without them knowing it, your children that taught you a whole new meaning of love, sacrifice and selflessness, the person who saved your life, the person you lost who made you stop taking life for granted, the people who watched and followed you without you knowing it, your first boss, the coworker you despised, envied or admired, the raunchy waitress who tried your patience, the person who held the elevator or picked up your glove and reassured you that there are still good people in the world...

People, and our interactions with people, how we view people and how people view us, the way we feel about people and how we react to people and the little moments and experiences with people that we hold on to, are all an influence in who we are... So many people take part in creating you and me both. And we are each helping to create the people around us whether we realize it or not. Through what experiences among the people in your life have you become who you are? Who has been and who now is part of creating you?

Change

Change, everybody wants it and hates it, fears it and loves it and loathes it....
Change, it's everywhere and every way and everything and everyone...
Change, it's here and now, then and there, before and after, forever and always...
Change, there's no stopping you, you are the one and only invincible...

Change, they are calling for you, they are running from you, they are trying to predict you...
Change, you are a breath of fresh air in a hot and humid fish market...
Change, you will not leave me alone when I have not slept for days...
Change, you never give up, you never give in and you always change your mind...

Change, you have a unique way of doing things...
Change, sometimes I think we are friends but sometimes I think you forget me, but...
Change, I have learned that you are a friend to no one and every one...
Change, you must be the master of love-hate relationships by now...

Change, you always leave and you always come back...
Change, I never know when to expect you, but I always do...
Change, you make life real, you make time tick, you make the show go on...
Change, I miss you when you are away but I can only handle so much at once…

Change, I wish you would just tell me your secrets; I can't handle the suspense...
Change, why should I decide, you are going to do it your way anyway...
Change, it's always one thing after another, after another, after another with you...
Change, sometimes you are killing me, sometimes you bring me back to life...

Change, you love the unexpected, surprises and coincidences, you are quite serendipitous...
Change, you thrill in provoking the status quo and revel in the pranks that you play...
Change, you really are quite a character full of unpredictable quirks...
Change, you love to meddle in every one's business, you could be an incredible gossip...

Change, you make me feel confused and overwhelmed and yet sometimes relieved...
Change, you are like the ocean, so vast and deep, undiscovered and full of all kinds of life...
Change, you are so fascinating, words really cannot describe...
Change, there is no canvas big enough to paint you, no eye can see your far reaching effects...

Change, you are a web that connects everyone to everyone else...
Change, you are common ground for mankind, you make exceptions for no one…
Change, you make me a better person, you know how to change people…
Change, you are the great editor, red pen in hand marking up the drafts…

Change, we see your shadow in your actions but you cannot be caught…
Change, people will always go after you and they will try to use you, but…
Change, you go where you please, you are always here, there and everywhere…
Change, you really are the only constant…

Raincoats

Perhaps the confusion started with the final scene of Breakfast at Tiffany’s, the part where Holly Golightly is wearing her khaki trench coat running through the alley yelling for Cat and getting soaked in the rain. There is a certain timeless look that I love about these coats. The original design is attributed to Burberry, created for the men in WWII. It became a popular style for men and women soon after. There are now hundreds of versions of this coat in all price ranges and qualities and styles. I have even owned a couple of versions myself (sadly leaving my first one in the airport a few years ago) but it wasn’t until this year that I discovered something else… A real raincoat, I mean one with a hood! It’s actually quite ridiculous that I never owned one before. And that I fell for the ads, mixing up “trench coats” for “raincoats” because they certainly are not the same. Trench coats are just really cute coats that advertisers like to put on models holding umbrellas and call them raincoats just to confuse us- often times they are not even water resistant. I know it’s not as cute or fashionable but this rainy winter in San Francisco has made me so happy to finally have a raincoat with a hood! (With thanks to Eddie Bauer for being so practical.) I don’t have to worry about forgetting my umbrella or only having one hand available or predicting if it will/will not rain today. Now I just can’t figure out why nobody else is catching on? I have seen girls every day wearing their adorable trench coats but their head is getting soaked, there goes the hair and make-up! Or they forget and leave their umbrella on the bus or at work or forgot to bring it at all. Somewhere along the way they got confused about trench coats and raincoats too. I still love the classic trench coats and they are perfect in San Fran for the other ten months of the year, but I have certainly learned that a raincoat is not a raincoat without a hood.

Fitins & Fitouts

I was thinking the other day about two kinds of people- those who like to fit in, and those who don’t. And how the two seem to always be at odds with each other. It’s kind of a complex little world of social phenomenon that comes into play. … Let’s just say you have a small town in the Midwest… you have a group that has been there forever, doing what their parents did, and what their parents’ parents did and so on…Going to the same schools, living in the same areas, enjoying the same hobbies, cheering on the same teams, and mingling with the same crowds… these are thick legacies not to be broken. They are living that same life that they saw modeled for them- it’s comfortable and familiar and they know what to expect and it’s probably a pretty good life. There is nothing wrong with this. It would probably be quite a little Utopia if it weren’t for that “other type” of person… These are often called the “black sheep”, the “rule-breakers”, “outcasts” or “outliers” or “misfits”… (Ha- “misfit” perfectly defined as “one who does not fit in.”) These are the people who like to be different and have a natural instinct against conformity of any kind. They relish in their uniqueness. It’s the classic story about the son or daughter born into a family from the “Fitin” group who feels restlessness with the world around him/her because he/she feels more akin to the “fitouts” and wants to be different… There is a conflict of interests that follow, the social pressure from the Fitins make it difficult because once you become a Fitout it’s difficult to go back because now you have already done something “different.” The Fitins are not usually very accepting of the Fitouts because they are unfamiliar, unpredictable and just “different”. They talk amongst themselves about how weird or bizarre they are and about the unimaginable or peculiar things that they do. And although the Fitouts do not seem to be so consumed with the Fitins and their predictable ways, they too are guilty of critiquing their lack of originality and sometimes shallow focus. They are usually cordial but the bottom line is just that they don’t understand each other. It’s funny though because sometimes you might have a Fitout that just doesn’t like the Fitins in their area because they just don’t have the same interests… so they break away and find a new area, a new group where they “fit in” and soon this new group with common interests and histories create a new generation of Fitins. It goes both ways because life always does. Sometimes you have somebody who is a Fitin, they actually like the life, the style and the people and everything that all of the other Fitins like in their circle… but this Fitin wants to feel different so they go among another circle with a different history/culture and ways but they hold to their roots rather than changing and relish in the fact that they are different now but they didn’t have to change who they were, just where they were because they are still just like everyone else where they came from but their new circle doesn’t really know that. And there are so many Fitouts who are actually Fitins but they won’t admit it, because sometimes people do something “different” just to “fit in”- it seems a little contradicting but it’s surprisingly common. So often people are trying to fit in with one crowd while trying to fit out or make a statement against another…. So maybe we are not all one or the other but a little bit of both at different times and places and social circles. It may depend on who and what you are exposed to, and most people don’t realize that these things alter their choices and can define who they are. So many people say that they “don’t care what people think” because they care the most- and say that just because they want people to think that they don’t care… which clearly means they really do care if they make such a big deal of saying it all the time. People like to talk and point fingers and make judgments and make up silly unwritten rules to place each other in categories- just to make it easy for them to typecast one another rather than getting to know each other. Nobody is all or nothing and no two people are exactly alike even if they try to be- we see and feel and taste and think and hear and imagine different things, different colors or angles or pitches or tones or flavors or temperatures or emotions… we are each uniquely crafted as individuals from the moment we enter this world. If only we could embrace it, and embrace it in each other and realize that it’s that very individual uniqueness that is the one commonality that can help us understand one another.

Organics

I have always been curious about how "Organic" and "Free Range" are definted and how various items qualify to carry these titles. How can you trust that they really are what they claim? I am still unsure- unless you go right out on the farm and see for yourself. Anyway- this Youtube video shares some interesting insight on all of the "Organic" items "Made in China"....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ31Ljd9T_Y

The History of Love

'The Birth of Feeling. Feelings are not as old as time, it began.
Just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings were being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret. When stubbornness was felt for the first time, it started a chain reaction, creating the feeling of resentment on the one hand, and alienation and loneliness on the other.
It might have been a certain counterclockwise movement of the hips that marked the birth of ecstasy; a bolt of lightning that caused the first feeling of awe. Or maybe it was the body of a girl named Alma. Contrary to logic, the feeling of surprise wasn't born immediately. It only came after people had enough to get used to things as they were. And when enough time had passed, and someone felt the first feeling of surprise, someone, somewhere else, felt the first pang of nostalgia.
It's also true that sometimes people felt things and because there was no word for them, they went unmentioned. The oldest emotion in the world may be that of being moved; but to describe it- just to name it- must have been like trying to catch something invisible.
(Then again, the oldest feeling in the world might simply have been confusion.)
Having begun to feel, people's desire to feel grew. They wanted to feel deeper, despite how much it sometimes hurt. People became addicted to feeling. They struggled to uncover new emotions. New kinds of joy were forged, along with new kinds of sadness: The eternal disappointment of life as it is; the relief of unexpected reprieve; the fear of dying.
Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist. There are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written, or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges, and absorbs the impact. '

--The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

This was just such a beautiful passage from the current book that I am reading that I had to share...

Words...

Every word ever written was because somebody felt that they had something to say. Perhaps they felt the need to record a notable event, a family history, an emotion or a discovery. Or perhaps they wanted to make sure that certain knowledge was not lost, or they just had to write it because there was nobody to tell and they wanted to release that burden from their heart or mind. And by writing they found that little burden lifted. Sometimes it is just releasing the weight of your memory, if you write it then there is a back up so you won’t worry about forgetting. It’s amazing to think of all of those words or pictures that have been scribbled in books or on walls or post-its. Think of the millions of books in the library of Congress and the notebooks that are filled in classrooms each day, and all of that mail passing through the postal service world wide. Words, some of them now cherished and preserved, others sleep in attics and so many are now but ashes. And that isn’t even the whole of it- what of all those words not written? The ones buried deep in the hearts of the wounded and weary that they cannot share? Words that have caused tears and laughter, and one step further there are all of those things that words just cannot describe and those moments where you just can’t find the words…

Blame

When things go wrong, people immediately look around to see who/what is to blame, everyone starts pointing fingers and creating alibis. No matter what happens it must always be somebody’s “fault.” Ironically it is the opposite when something goes great, hands are raised to claim the credit, shouts of “Me”, “My idea”, “I did it!” This is partially why the entire legal system exists… it’s all about deciding who takes the blame/credit for what happened or pre-deciding who will take it if x, y, & z happen… Or who is responsible for what and what is tied to it- who gets the credit, who carries the responsibility? They try to foresee all of the potential outcomes and define ownership & responsibility and set up preventative measures. But life isn’t very predictable so there is a lot of sorting through the mess after the fact. And where people are concerned, there’s always “human error” and several versions to each story. The justice system is deeper than just figuring who everyone can agree to point their finger at… people want justice in the form of punishment/penalty so the guilty must suffer as the afflicted. For example, take that horrible situation with the Fort Hood shooting. It was an absolute tragedy. But it is not enough to point fingers and blame the crazy shooter who was unstable in so many ways and took his own life, which may have been the punishment had he survived anyway. But that’s not enough- everyone wants to keep pointing fingers and blame others who merely knew or worked with the shooter, people want to continue to punish others so they can feel vindicated for their loss. Looking back it’s easy to say what somebody could have done to prevent the problem, but how were they to know? How can they be responsible? And where do you draw the line between what somebody could have done verses what they should have done? This example is a bit extreme but I have seen it in simple situations as well. We all do it, we blame and we punish and we deny and we claim. It may just be the way we are, the way the world runs, it’s part of choice and accountability and the plan of agency. But just because something is determined in court doesn’t mean that it is true, and just because you get away with something doesn’t mean it was ok. We are all guilty and accused and innocent and accusatory at various times and situations. So when it comes to the ridiculous squabbles over who’s to blame… you know it could have been you so you ask yourself, Can I really blame them?

Butter

Need I say more... It's wonderful and I love it. I blame my father for this. He spreads butter thicker than cream cheese so that you can see his teeth marks in each bite... I went through a phase where I tried to stop liking it and would dab it off like grease and then I remember several years ago I was having insane cravings for butter. I was convinced that it meant I must be pregnant and I let myself at it. Four years later and that craving has not stopped and I don't think it ever will. The tricky thing about butter is that it is so delicious but it cannot hold its own. It's kind of every one's best friend- bread, popcorn, veggies, meat... But in my opinion, Sugar is butter's soul mate. They are just one of those killer couples that everybody loves to hang out with! I have read magazines that tell you to always use unsalted butter and others say to use salted... I don't really care all that much- butter is butter as long as it's not "I can't believe it's not butter," or one of those other wannabes. Sometimes I make toast, planning to put some pb&j on it or maybe honey or jam... and two out of three times I end up with just good old butter because I don't want anything else to steal its thunder. (I sort of feel guilty writing all of this because I have a sweetheart little niece who cannot eat dairy and I have tried so many times to not let her realize what she is missing... but the truth is- butter and cheese are two of my great weaknesses in life!) I sort of feel like this is my confession on this great indulgence. Butter is one of those things that skinny people refuse to admit that they like. Perhaps I just needed to come out and explain why I have that extra layer around my belly. And at this point my vanity is losing to my inner foodie. Yes I cook with it, in fact it's the only thing that makes my cooking any good. So I must agree with the great quote by Julia Child, "With enough butter, anything is good..."

Pants On The Ground - Larry Platt - American Idol

I give in... My husband has been singing this catchy little tune for a while now and finally showed me the original. I'm sure many of you have already seen it but I thought I would share this memorable performance! Beware it gets stuck in your head and it's a little weird to be caught singing it...

Southwest- NO Fees

First, Read this. It's pretty ridiculous how much people/companies run by people, are just trying to get away with murder these days. I get it, I know as well as anyone else that the economy is not really recovering yet and we are all just hanging by a thread... But when this whole baggage fee thing began it was back when gas prices elevated to a ridiculous high and they said they needed to make up the additional gas costs. Since then- gas has dropped and although I am sure they are losing money just like everyone else in the industry, I just don't see any justification in raising fees again! They are doing it just because they can. And these same airlines have no customer service whatsoever and also charge you a million ridiculous fees if you ever want to change or reschedule your plans.... I am completely turned off.

SO moral of the story is... Southwest is Best! I just think they deserve a little pat on the back for keeping their customer interest in mind. Yes, I know their seating arrangement is a little bit like musical chairs but it's not that bad now that they at least have an order. And my disclaimer before I tell you why they are so great is...The only thing I actually dislike about Southwest are the occasional obnoxious flight attendants that sing one too many songs. They need to control the microphone and keep it away from the attention deprived American Idol Wanabees!

Ok- Now the good...So what you all should know is that when Southwest says "No Fees"- they really mean it.

1) All passengers still get to check-in two bags free of charge! (up to 50lbs each)

2) You can cancel your flight and get fully refunded!

3) You can make changes to your Itinerary without Change fees! (just the difference in cost)
4) They have a great Reward Points program that allows you to get free flights (that really are free without a bunch of fees added) And- they did not raise the amount of points to get a flight like so many other airlines recently did.

Ok- there are just a few more things you should know, Southwest is one of the only airlines that will not pull up in most of the online travel search engines like Expedia or Kayak... so you should always just go directly to their website, http://www.southwest.com/ . And unfortunately they do not fly internationally but they are expanding within the US. Happy travels...

A little stream of thoughts...

I have so many things on my mind that I don't know where to begin and maybe I'll come back to this thread again later to elaborate but for now I can't seem to narrow in on just one thing so here goes another ramble... Yes, the "New Year" of course this is a time of reflection and yet looking forward with hope. It's a time of resolution and wonder of what is yet to come and yet leaving things behind. But it's also just a little mile marker on this very long never ending road of existence. The mile marker is actually rather insignificant other than acting as a time reference... Oh yes, and the holidays- I do indeed love the build up to Christmas and just the whole feeling that surrounds Christmas... but I continue to hate the let down of New Years. I don't know why people insist on making New Years Eve into a big deal, everyone would enjoy it so much more without the ridiculous hype. People expect too much and are forced to stay up late until they are grumpy or wasted. On another note- I think people just wear me out. I was so exhausted after spending over a week of being social every day. This must have something to do with me being awkward, or being an introvert because I really do need my down time. Perhaps it's not the people that wear me out but more likely the fact that my brain and emotions can't keep up. There are always so many unfinished conversations and thoughts that my subconscious is trying to remember among all of the new information and details that I am trying to process and file away as well. And then there's the exhaustion that comes from their questions and speculation, and I think it's worse when you don't actually have answers... Like what happens next? Where will you live, what job will he take, when will you have kids...? Come on people- We are not keeping secrets- we just don't know! And boy would I like to know more than anyone else! Life is kind of funny like that, there is all of this figuring out the future business that seems to distract us from enjoying the present sometimes, and yet it one cannot ignore the importance of the future and just enjoy the present because that could make for an unfortunate future present. Once again- Life is just a balancing act! I also wish I understood more about God's role in our lives. Supposedly he already knows what we will do because he knows us so well. But I wonder, are things really "supposed to happen" any particular way? This is a long and tangled topic that I do not have the energy to explore right now... Another thing that I might as well add to these thoughts is- Why are there never any great guys to set up with all of the many wonderful girls that I know? Perhaps I am biased but I really think the quality of men is on a slippery steep slope these days, so when you find a good one- then he is probably worth hanging on to! When you think about it, Love really is quite a little miracle- of all of the people in the world, what are the odds that you will actually meet somebody that you are attracted to, who you enjoy being with, with whom you share beliefs, who you like, and who actually likes you back, who is willing to commit.... unfortunately- it's not all that likely so it's pretty amazing that it seems to happen all the time. Ok- another subject... Love-handles. Yes that wretched tire/extra layer that surrounds the mid-section of my body. I don't think it's natural or supposed to be there. Back in the day people were active all day long, they didn't "work out", exercise was just part of their day, imagine how hard your abs would work bending over picking from the garden, tilling the earth or cutting fire wood... imagine walking everywhere and carrying goods around... All I know is that it is not natural to sit behind a computer screen all day, with food prepared and delivered and somehow still be exhausted at the end of the day! Again- I have more thoughts on this subject but I'll move on to the next but since I mentioned work, I am kind of amazed how much of life comes back to one's occupation and ability to make money- why must we have money to survive in this world? Aren't there better things we should be doing with our time? But we don't because you can't get paid to do those really important things in life. Ha- once again, that balancing act of life comes to mind... Anyhow- I can see that this post is starting to make me look like I have a chip on my shoulder or something. I promise that I am not all doom and gloom, I am just trying to figure a few things out and I am kind of fascinated by the ironies of life and perhaps even more so by the ironies of humanity. Isn't it kind of amazing that no two people are ever really the same- I think I am repeating myself- but nobody has seen and heard and felt all that you have. Your perspective is unique to you. It's too bad that we don't all understand each other a little more. It seems that the challenges of life allow us more compassion on others because we start to understand what others may have gone through, or why sometimes people can do unreasonable things and hopefully this reminds us not to judge others. Okay- this is kind of one of those long boring posts that could go on forever because it is about nothing and everything... so I'll call it a wrap for now...