(mother & daughter, Kate Hudson & Goldie Hawn)When guys are in a serious relationship, getting engaged or meeting a girl's family for the first time, they often receive some advice along these lines... "Check out her mom dude, then you know if she will be hot when she's older." We would be pretty naive to think that men are not having these conversations and that they don't worry or think about how their wives will fare as they age. Perhaps, like me, you heard your older brothers discuss "FP" when talking about girls and then you learned that FP= Fat Potential. This has stirred a few discussions with my husband over the years, and we have lately been defining realistic expectations. Of course it's a sensitive topic to women, because we too want to stay fit but want to avoid any unnecessary pressure. It's tough to know what can happen to your body as you age, and we have all seen photo's of older women when they were young and wonder, what happened? Will that happen to me too? One thing I have had to make clear was that he married me as a curvy girl, so that will not change, it's those women who are beanpole thin now (who he claims are 'too skinny')- who are the ones who are still thin later, so we cannot be compared. Don't get me wrong he is not rude about it and there are more reasons than just looks, of course we both want to be healthy and fit and able to keep up with our kids and grand kids as we age. But it has certainly got me thinking about why men give each other that advice, how society perpetuates the idea of a 'trophy wife' and how it would seem a little weird for a woman to say, "be sure to check out his grandpa on his mother's side, then you will know if he will be bald." Sure we are aware of this fact that we learned in 9th grade biology but women are more likely to say, "watch how he treats his mom and sisters, and you can know how he will respect you and your daughters..." Of course, women have their other shallow moments, perhaps making correlations to the father's career or economic success. It's interesting to see how expectations are set, sometimes by society, sometimes by your own parents or your in laws, and how these expectations can play into your marriage. I have asked various friends and family about how these conversations play out and some feel pressure because their mother in-laws are thin and beautiful, others feel the fear of becoming like their own mothers, and others worry because their parents divorced, or because their dad had an affair with a younger woman... whatever the reason, it's in the back of our minds, so there is no point in the men worrying about it because clearly the women have the worry part covered. And despite the few women who might claim that they "don't care" I'm sure we would all prefer to maintain our size and health as we age, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. But there is no point in fretting too much, keep in mind my mother's fabulous wisdom that I heard many times throughout my teenage years... "Stop worrying about losing weight or being thin because you will spend the rest of your life wishing that you could look as good as you do now."
