The History of Love

'The Birth of Feeling. Feelings are not as old as time, it began.
Just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings were being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret. When stubbornness was felt for the first time, it started a chain reaction, creating the feeling of resentment on the one hand, and alienation and loneliness on the other.
It might have been a certain counterclockwise movement of the hips that marked the birth of ecstasy; a bolt of lightning that caused the first feeling of awe. Or maybe it was the body of a girl named Alma. Contrary to logic, the feeling of surprise wasn't born immediately. It only came after people had enough to get used to things as they were. And when enough time had passed, and someone felt the first feeling of surprise, someone, somewhere else, felt the first pang of nostalgia.
It's also true that sometimes people felt things and because there was no word for them, they went unmentioned. The oldest emotion in the world may be that of being moved; but to describe it- just to name it- must have been like trying to catch something invisible.
(Then again, the oldest feeling in the world might simply have been confusion.)
Having begun to feel, people's desire to feel grew. They wanted to feel deeper, despite how much it sometimes hurt. People became addicted to feeling. They struggled to uncover new emotions. New kinds of joy were forged, along with new kinds of sadness: The eternal disappointment of life as it is; the relief of unexpected reprieve; the fear of dying.
Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist. There are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written, or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges, and absorbs the impact. '

--The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

This was just such a beautiful passage from the current book that I am reading that I had to share...

Words...

Every word ever written was because somebody felt that they had something to say. Perhaps they felt the need to record a notable event, a family history, an emotion or a discovery. Or perhaps they wanted to make sure that certain knowledge was not lost, or they just had to write it because there was nobody to tell and they wanted to release that burden from their heart or mind. And by writing they found that little burden lifted. Sometimes it is just releasing the weight of your memory, if you write it then there is a back up so you won’t worry about forgetting. It’s amazing to think of all of those words or pictures that have been scribbled in books or on walls or post-its. Think of the millions of books in the library of Congress and the notebooks that are filled in classrooms each day, and all of that mail passing through the postal service world wide. Words, some of them now cherished and preserved, others sleep in attics and so many are now but ashes. And that isn’t even the whole of it- what of all those words not written? The ones buried deep in the hearts of the wounded and weary that they cannot share? Words that have caused tears and laughter, and one step further there are all of those things that words just cannot describe and those moments where you just can’t find the words…

Blame

When things go wrong, people immediately look around to see who/what is to blame, everyone starts pointing fingers and creating alibis. No matter what happens it must always be somebody’s “fault.” Ironically it is the opposite when something goes great, hands are raised to claim the credit, shouts of “Me”, “My idea”, “I did it!” This is partially why the entire legal system exists… it’s all about deciding who takes the blame/credit for what happened or pre-deciding who will take it if x, y, & z happen… Or who is responsible for what and what is tied to it- who gets the credit, who carries the responsibility? They try to foresee all of the potential outcomes and define ownership & responsibility and set up preventative measures. But life isn’t very predictable so there is a lot of sorting through the mess after the fact. And where people are concerned, there’s always “human error” and several versions to each story. The justice system is deeper than just figuring who everyone can agree to point their finger at… people want justice in the form of punishment/penalty so the guilty must suffer as the afflicted. For example, take that horrible situation with the Fort Hood shooting. It was an absolute tragedy. But it is not enough to point fingers and blame the crazy shooter who was unstable in so many ways and took his own life, which may have been the punishment had he survived anyway. But that’s not enough- everyone wants to keep pointing fingers and blame others who merely knew or worked with the shooter, people want to continue to punish others so they can feel vindicated for their loss. Looking back it’s easy to say what somebody could have done to prevent the problem, but how were they to know? How can they be responsible? And where do you draw the line between what somebody could have done verses what they should have done? This example is a bit extreme but I have seen it in simple situations as well. We all do it, we blame and we punish and we deny and we claim. It may just be the way we are, the way the world runs, it’s part of choice and accountability and the plan of agency. But just because something is determined in court doesn’t mean that it is true, and just because you get away with something doesn’t mean it was ok. We are all guilty and accused and innocent and accusatory at various times and situations. So when it comes to the ridiculous squabbles over who’s to blame… you know it could have been you so you ask yourself, Can I really blame them?