Some body's child...

I have thought a lot about this many a times and in many directions. How when I see a homeless man curled in a ball under the bus stop under his grimy damp blankets, I can't help but wonder, "Where is his mother? His family? Or his childhood BFF?" Where did he come from and how did he get here? I'm sure he did not come into the world under those circumstances but for whatever reason he is there now, estranged from the world. As I have said before, everyone has a story- but I start wondering- what is his? When did things turn or was it a series of small and unfortunate events? Were drugs involved? Perhaps it was peer pressure at a young age... perhaps his mother was on drugs and his father MIA- Was there abuse? Negligence? Perhaps he grew up in 10 different foster homes... Never a real home or a real family. I'm sure at some point there was selfishness, pride, and lack of forgiveness involved from many angles... Perhaps he never learned to trust and he just needed a little more love. Or the need for stability that the Government just can't provide. Perhaps if the other kids wouldn't have judged him and would have invited him to play- perhaps then he would have friends now to look after him. Perhaps he is what so many judge him to be- a lazy and incapable alcoholic... But once again I return to the thought- God did not send him into the world that way. He was once a baby boy in some body's tender loving arms... He was once a child full of laughter and innocence. He was once another kid in class who probably had a crush on the girl sitting next to him. He once had dreams and goals. He once had a purpose. And perhaps he still does. Perhaps he still has a pinch of hope left. And despite the hardships, I am sure he holds a handful of happy memories dear to his heart. Probably a heart with a thick wall around it by now. So how does it happen? Has he been hurt and crossed so many times that he just gave up? Or has he hurt others and crossed them so much that they had to give up on him to protect themselves? It happens, there is a point where a mother or fathers heart breaks but they can't take care of everything anymore. There are probably a lot of broken hearts involved. I am sure that God looks down and weeps, these are his lost sheep that wander and sleep on the streets. Each of them once a child, and still some body's child, God's child.

Awkward

Tired of being socially awkward? Can anyone relate? Not knowing what to say and sometimes saying things you probably shouldn’t or something just so random or irrelevant that it’s just awkward? But it makes sense to you because your train of thoughts led you there- but that’s just more random and weird to explain. You kind of feel out of place no matter where you are or who you are with. And even though you are among “friends” something just makes you feel like the odd ball. And most of this is what goes on in your head while everyone else couldn’t care less because they are so consumed in themselves too. You get nervous to go out and be social and any inkling of the spotlight makes you more uncomfortable. You want to go unnoticed but you also know that you must engage. Perhaps you can just watch and observe from the sidelines. But then they will think that is weird too…You are interested in other people but don’t know how to react when they show interest back because it’s difficult to decipher their sincerity. This is part of the problem, the overly confident, drama queens and gossip lovers make you especially uncomfortable because you know that they cannot be trusted and yet they are the worst kind to cross. But your better self will not allow you to become one of their followers. So you are just awkward. It’s a lack of confidence, insecurity and downright shyness that you have dealt with all of your life. And so you are awkward without meaning to be, partially because you don’t know what it is that you actually mean to be. You are not really sure of how to portray yourself because you fear overexposure but on the other hand have nothing to hide. All of the unwritten laws about social interactions are unnatural to you; these very laws are what make you feel so out of place. Because you naturally walk to the beat of your own drum, not theirs. But you live in their world and are told to play by their rules. So you seek a place between not breaking them and not abiding by them and there you sit in your awkward little bubble probably over-analyzing and thinking too much about all of it and then kicking yourself over the wasted thoughts of such trivial matters. They don’t understand you because you don’t fit any of the molds that they have premeditated. But one on one, you can usually fare just fine. Not great- but fine because you can explain yourself and give more context. It’s the large groups that you dread. Most people say you could use a drink to loosen you up. Extroverts will never understand introverts like you. Bottom line is that you are weird and awkward. The very word “Awkward” is awkward…it never looks right does it? And so you get the idea that I didn’t know how to come right out and say and I am tired of feeling socially awkward all of the time. It really is exhausting. So those of you who radiate natural charisma… don’t take it for granted. Please don’t judge me for this awkward rant, but these are often the thoughts of your awkward friends I’m sure. So don’t judge your awkward friends when they play hermit and opt for staying home to read a book, the very thought of socializing can make us tired and awkward all at once.

Never Tell a Lie

Never Tell a Lie

My teacher told me I should never tell a lie
Because a lie will bring you trouble sure as pie
It's an awful thing to do, and it's true as true as true
You'll get caught and then you'll start to cry
You'll have a horrid, painful pounding in your head
And then you'll feel your face get hot and turn bright red
Then your heart will start to thump
In your throat you'll get a lump
And you'll feel so bad you'll wish that you could
lie right down and die
You're just better off to never tell a lie
Not even sometimes!
Remember, never, never, never tell a lie!

This little song got stuck in my head the other day but I couldn’t remember all of the words. These are the lyrics I found online. It takes me right back to third grade singing time in the Kiva. It’s a good little message to consider.

A Legacy of Great Mothers

This morning my thoughts are turned to a legacy of wonderful mothers. I was feeling a little discouraged about some things this morning and I opened up my email to see a sweet note from my Grandmother just to say that she was thinking of me and hoping the best for us and missing us over Thanksgiving etc… First of all, I’m lucky to have a Grandmother who knows how to use the internet and email- that is impressive! Second, my grandmother gets it. She understands life and the ups and downs and she can relate and listen and understand as a dear friend. And third- She is in tune, she always seems to know when a phone call or an email or a meal is needed. I am grateful for my sweet grandmother and I have thought a lot about the legacy of good mothers and I have some big shoes to fill. But one thing that I think has created this legacy in our family is the friendship from mother to daughter. I have heard my Grandmother speak so endearingly about her own mother and I know that their friendship ran deep. This has continued in the relationship between my mother and Grandmother as well. There is so much more than just passing on great cooking tips and recipes, it is the love and support that is offered to family. Never seeking recognition for their hard work and selfless acts, these women give so much more than we will probably ever realize, not just in acts but in thoughts and prayers and love too. There is also much laughter and a great sense of humor necessary where great mothers are found. My mother has always been great at laughing off the most frustrating moments and turning them into great memories. And great patience, I don’t know if this grows with age but these women have great patience, and with it great faith and trust in God. I am grateful for such wonderful examples and this legacy of mothers in my family. I am grateful for the friendships that we share and the opportunities that I have to learn from them. Such a friendship can be greater than just mother to daughter, because it transcends these stages of life, and really shows that we were and will be friends in the eternities. I hope to be like them and fulfill this great legacy of mothers and I hope that someday I will have a daughter to carry it on too.