From Bad to Worse...

I often complain that I have to wake up in the sixes to make it to work right at 7am. It’s an early day, especially for a very un-morning person. But the past two days I have been covering for a coworker which means getting up in the fives and being here at 6am! So, it’s strange how sometimes things have to get worse in order for you to realize that it’s not so bad. But that’s just kind of how life goes, we rarely appreciate what we have until it is gone. But tomorrow I am going to enjoy every bit of feeling like I’m sleeping in an extra hour until 6am!

Reflections of four years ago today...

Four years ago I woke up on this very morning, alone in my apartment in the upper avenues. I looked out over the valley, happy to see blue skies. It was quiet and I was grateful to have a calm and peaceful morning to myself on such an important day. Some people may have thought it strange that I did not have sisters and friends all fussing about me or that I was not going from beauty parlor to make-up artist… all that hype probably would have ruffled my feathers a little more than I could have handled when my nerves were already on end. I reviewed in my mind the importance of such an eternal covenant. I pondered and prayed and sought the preparations necessary for the major changes to come. My focus was quite genuinely on the eternal significance of that day. I am an over thinker and an over planner which means I am also an over worrier at times. Thus, such milestones as making a covenant to spend the eternities with one person were quite heavy on my heart.

It had been a whirlwind of preparations leading to that day. Most of which I just let happen because I didn’t want to get caught up in “the wedding fluff.” I was much better at fulfilling my goal to stay eternally minded that day, but I have since had my setbacks fussing over the petty things. I really was never cut out to be a bride. And I confess that I did not enjoy it and I’m glad to be happily married and know that I will never have to do it again. It was a beautiful day and everything went well but there is no doubt that I would have done some things differently. I would have spoken up more about what I wanted, I would have spent money on the things I found important rather than succumb to the pressures of tradition. I was young and felt all too rushed. The only thing that really got me through it all was that there was no doubt that I loved the man that I was marrying and no doubt that I wanted and needed him in my life.

I do not claim it to be the “Happiest day of my life” but I do indeed feel that because of that day, the happiest days of my life have followed and I imagine will continue. My favorite memory of that day was a continuation of my peaceful morning. I love to reflect upon the time that I sat with my sweetheart in the celestial room of the temple just before we were to go in and greet our family members, and make our final commitment to one another. This was a beautiful and sacred time. Our ceremony and incredible opportunity that we had to receive an Apostolic blessing was an amazing experience and we were grateful to have our dearest friends and family members there to share it with. It was indeed a very special day and I am so grateful to have my dear Nicholas in my life. I am so grateful for the past four years that we have spent learning and growing together. I am grateful for that day four years ago that we committed to each other and I can go forward knowing that we will be side by side forever.

Issa

Issa picked me up again this morning and I remembered him instantly. I asked his name this time so I could add to his story. I heard a little more about how he started out as a security officer, moved up to do some Tech work and then managed the engineering of the early Mac computers. Not designing, but maintaining them. He went on to tell me how complicated the first computers were and how the wires all needed to be managed and insolated and protected from over heating. He remembered the original Mac and what an upgrade the Mac 2 was. I once again marveled at the reality that computers have become an every day use, completely ingrained into our society now, and just within a few short years, within my lifetime. “Phones are really just little computers these days.” Issa said, “You put all your contacts, appointments and get on the Internet with them.” But overall our conversation went a new direction today… it started with technology and lead to God. God gives us many wonderful gifts and inspires great inventions that each can be used for good or evil. “It’s the morality of the one who holds it that will determine if he uses it for good or evil, “ Issa said. “And unfortunately so many people don’t have moral character anymore because they are all trying to take God out of their lives.” On both of these points I agreed with him. Then he went on to make another great point, “I think they do it because they don’t like responsibility, and they don’t want to be accountable to anyone, especially God.” Well said Issa. I am grateful to see somebody who respects God. I don’t know of his religious background at this point but I already have great respect for my new friend and I look forward to crossing paths again.

I Dream of Jet-Dry

As part of my job as an admin, I get the duty of unloading our two dishwashers at work every day. (I can’t fully complain because I feel lucky since the reason we have dishes is because we get breakfast & lunch at work every day too.) But when I started, our dishes were coming out a little mirky. Not dirty but not sparkling clean either. So we decided to try Jet-Dry. And my, oh my that stuff works! I don’t understand the chemistry behind it by any means but it really is a magical potion of some sort! And ever since this discovery, my dreaming of a dishwasher has stepped up a notch. When I am at home hand-washing my sultry dishes that have never seen the likes of a dishwasher… as I scrub, I dream of Jet-Dry! Sad but true- my beautiful dishes, pots, pans and platters that were so generously given at my bridal showers four years ago have only known dishwashers with ten fingers, than can bleed, burn and get prunny in water. I even confess that I often scheme how I could sneak all of my dishes into the office over the weekend and run them in the dishwashers with Jet-Dry so they could finally come out glistening!

That Hits the Spot

I think that I inherited this phrase from my Grandmother because I still hear her say it all the time. I too am often stating when something does or does not “hit the spot.” So the other day my husband asked me… “What is the spot anyway?” I have to admit that this was a very good question because it took me a minute to think of what I am referring to when I use this term. And so I have decided that something that merely “tastes good” does not always hit the spot, but rather a spot must first be cleared in order to be hit. You must be aiming for something right?
The Spot: A mental image of something that sounds good, a savored taste or craving or want of something in particular.
Hitting the Spot: Getting exactly what you had in mind!

Leaf Frog...

(Photography by Christian Ziegler, http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2009/08/mimicry/ziegler-photography )

I find this photo fascinating and amazing because it captures these little creatures blending in and defending themselves in such a beautiful way. That is by far and away the best camo outfit that I have ever seen! Nature amazes me. God created a great many beautiful things in this world, and over the years we have all adapted to our various environments and tried to survive. Each creature & Species has its own means of adapting, but those who do not adapt are the least likely to survive… “Only the Paranoid Survive” This line and recent new book title has been ringing in my ears. ( I don’t actually know if it’s any good but the idea rings true.) You really must always be moving, changing and assimilating to your environment in order to survive. And it looks like these little Leaf Frogs could show us a thing or two!

Good for nothin

Have you ever had one of those Good for nothin days? Where you just really feel worthless… Perhaps this is just me and something I struggle with but sometimes (more often than I should) I will get down and start seeing the glass half empty rather than half full. I start to feel discouraged that I didn’t come with any talents or special abilities like the rest? I kind of start to feel like vanilla generic brand sandwich cookies (vanilla are even worse than chocolate)… nobody wants those compared to all of the fancy Keebler, Nestle and Pepperidge Farm options… and Don’t get me started on the section with European delicacies or the real ones in the bakery or the dough that you can get to make them yourself… and I’m not even mentioning Girl Scouts, homemade recipes or macaroons from the Boulangerie… This is a silly analogy I know, clearly I have a thing for baked goods.

But sometimes it’s hard not to compare to all of the amazing people that I am surrounded by. I am not a dancer or a singer. I am not a leader or innovator. I am seriously deranged when it comes to anything that requires coordination, which means that people literally laugh when they watch me attempt sports (really they do, this has happened many times) I wish that I were artsy, but I just don’t have that natural eye for creative genius like all my interior design or Etsy friends. So when it comes to cute or crafty design stuff, again I am sub par. I’m not even smart enough to have a real job- nope, I’m a brainless admin surrounded by Ivy League, Summa Cum Laude graduates. I feel pretty pathetic sometimes. I am not even interesting to talk to or fun to be around (although I sure enjoy talking to people…) but I am quite drab compared to people who can entertain, tell great stories and bring laughter and excitement… I am a big bowl of blah. (Which makes it kind of ironic that I even have a blog at all. Sometimes I laugh at myself and wonder who in the world would waste their time reading this stuff?) I don’t do cutesy crafty blogger stuff and I’m far from being a fashionista or trend setter. I don’t speak any languages (the worst part is that I actually took French for four years of HS and two years of college and I’m still not even proficient!) You know those people who are just naturally good at everything they come in contact with and they don’t even really have to try? I think I am their exact opposite. Nothing comes naturally and after a lot of hard work, I can barely break even. I wish that with all of these missing skills/talents that I were secretly very spiritual or in tune… but I’m nowhere near where I should be and I don’t even think I can remember one scripture mastery. In the parable of the ten talents I often think about how I need to make the most of what I have, even if it’s just one- but I haven’t figured out what that one is yet? When among good friends they try to console me that my squishy nose or ability to touch my toes makes me unique- Ha! That’s practically an insult when they have to stoop so low- (Most people can touch their dang toes- and have you seen Cirque de Soleil- do you know how they can bend, now that is talent!)

Sorry for this petty post, my own little pitty party if you will. But this is how I often feel, and what I think about when I start to see the glass half empty… Don’t get me wrong, I still know that I have been given much. I am healthy and provided for and grateful for wonderful people and opportunities in my life. But sometimes I have a good for nothin day where I wish that I actually had something to offer. Perhaps something of great value or a way to give back or contribute, Any skill or talent would do. Something to write my story, (see everybody has a story.) I may never amount to much but I do want to make the most of limited resources… but I often get stumped in on these good for nothin days.

Vibram Five Fingers

My husband just sent me a link to these, and although it seems they have been around a few years, this is the first time I have heard of them. It’s a fascinating idea and I would love to know how they feel. I hate shoes, so the idea of wearing shoes that feel like your feet seems very appealing to me. http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/

The Future of News

I am concerned and perplexed as to what the future of news may be. We will always need to know what is going on in the world and in our community. Newspapers have dwindled since the boom of the internet and many have gone under especially with recent economic woes. I am quite sure that my children will not be doing paper routs to earn extra cash. People just don’t read print media like they used to. Even books are being replaced by fancy technology like Digital Readers, (I admit that I would really like one of these!) Everything is going digital! But how will the news media survive? Sure, they have a very important online presence, but the dynamics are changing. The World Wide Web is a pretty amazing place and people can get anything they want at their fingertips. And news online is free! This means that local circulation of big news will be taken over by the big guys. And the rest will be left to a few local websites and the world of Blogs. The world of Blogs that did not exist ten years ago is an entirely new and very significant industry within news media. Blogs coupled with programs like Twitter may very well be taking over the old idea of a “press conference.” Really, why would anyone go through all the effort of a press conference if they can just make their announcements via their blog/twitter? Even Obama has caught on to this! Besides, this takes the direct confrontation out of it… they can think through their comments before responding on the spot with something they wish they had thought about first. The challenge with news blogs is that the public won’t know who to trust. Anyone can write and get “published,” (which may become a word of the past when it comes to news.) The internet is already overwhelmed with half-truths and extremely biased stories/points of view. It’s tough to know who you can trust. The laws cannot keep up with technology… copyright, libel, freedom of speech, privacy...
TV news has and will also be hit by the changing times. The six o’clock news will be reserved for the old folks who think digital refers to using your fingers… Fewer viewers will wait to get the weather report or sports update when they already saw it on their iphone or Yahoo desktop ten minutes earlier. Radio will survive as long as we are the auto dependent society that we are. And Magazines have already taken their hit but they will continue to decorate grocery store isles and airport shops.
How did you hear about Michael Jackson’s death? Was it a text, twitter or Yahoo home page, or a friend’s blog, or somebody’s facebook post? Probably not a newspaper or TV evening news. I imagine the time lapse between actual events and dissemination to the public is ten times the speed that it was five years ago and 100 times the speed of fifty years ago. It’s pretty amazing really. So what is the future of news? Are we in the midst of revolutionizing how we will hear about the next world tragedy? Are we on the brink of an industry out of jobs or just changing the medium? I imagine that this has been a frequent conversation at the major networks and publishing companies. The stories will still need to be written and pictures taken, but our children will not know news like we did. “The weather man” may become a mythical character that just gives away our age.

Everybody has a story...

It started with one simple question, "Where are you from?"
He was born in Jordan into a Bedouin tribe. They were a semi-nomadic people who lived as hunters and gatherers living off of the land. In the 19th century they weren't quite as transient but still often called "shepherds." He went to school as a boy in Jordan but as he grew up he wanted to finish high school. He researched various areas and found that he could get the best schooling and live for the cheapest amount in Cairo, Egypt. "Practically $50 a month for everything," he said and then reminded me this was in the 70's. He studied and worked until the day he graduated. That day he was thrilled and decided to treat himself to a nice brunch buffet. When he arrived, the place was so packed, "Worse than Mama's on Washington Square," he said. But he was lucky enough to find a little table for two open up. He sat down to enjoy his meal. A moment later he saw a gentleman approach the door and look around only to turn away in disappointment. "I waved to tell him he could join me. Why waste a table for two when I was only one?" he said. The gentleman joined him and after a nice meal he asked the man where he was staying. "It was a nearby hotel so I offered him to stay with me. I had a little place but room for two, and rent was already paid that month so it would be cheaper for him, " he said, "And since I was done with school I told him I could show him all around and be his guide." The man, Jerry, was very trusting and that afternoon they went to pick up his luggage and move him to the apartment. They had a maid come regularly to clean, "and she only took 10 Egyptian pounds at the end of the week," he said, "and that was a pretty good deal, but she had to earn her keep to you know."
As Jerry's visit was coming to an end, he asked... "Can you get me your school transcript?" So he did, and sure enough a month later he received a letter from Jerry with another letter enclosed. It was an admissions acceptance to San Jose City College.
"Jerry told me how I needed to take the letter to the American Embassy and apply for a visa. So I went and spoke with a nice lady from the consulate, just like you. And she asked me 'why do you want to go to America when there are good colleges here?'" So he told her about the John Wayne movies he had seen at the Metro Theater on Main street, and how beautiful those mountains in the pictures were and how he just had to go and see it. "She laughed a little and then told me to bring my passport in and she would give me a student visa."
When he came to America he studied and worked to pay for things, and later built a career in engineering.
Today he was my cab driver because he was recently laid off and needed a job to pay the bills until he can find something else. I didn't catch his name, but I heard his story during a ten minute cab ride, that I won't forget. This may likely only be the beginning of his story, or a chapter or two of the whole book.
But I have been thinking lately about how everyone has a story, and it is a series of the highs and lows that make up the details and the twists and turns. Some are known for their great accomplishments and others for their great hardships. I am still trying to create mine because it isn't very interesting yet, but we are all a work in progress. Coming from somewhere and going somewhere. We all have a little something to share or at least a different perspective. Because the reality is that nobody has walked in your shoes like you have... Some of have tread the same trails, together or at different times. But your path is unique to you, what you see, think, feel hear... who you meet and how you react... Everybody has a story.

Sometimes

Sometimes things just don't go as planned. Sometimes you have to bottle up all your thoughts because sometimes there is just not enough time. Sometimes you are too tired to think and sometimes you can't sleep because you think too much. Sometimes you can't keep up with life. Sometimes you have unexpected turns come up and sometimes you don't feel like being as adaptable as you should. And sometimes you feel like you can take on the world. Sometimes you miss your friends and family. Sometimes you just want to be alone. Sometimes you crave laughter and sometimes you need to be more realistic. Sometimes you want to run, but sometimes you just need to sit. Sometimes you have to wait in long lines and sometimes you get to go right to the front. Sometimes it fits just right. Sometimes you take a chance. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there and sometimes you just want to hide. Sometimes you can't get enough. Sometimes you get overwhelmed. Sometimes life is just wonderful. Sometimes you really do enjoy a nice bowl of cherries. Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes your luck runs out. Sometimes you get Yahtzee. Sometimes you get a parking ticket. Sometimes you just smile. Sometimes nothing else matters. Sometimes you forget. Sometimes the strangest coincidence happens. Sometimes you are surprised and sometimes you know exactly what to expect. Sometimes you get confused. Sometimes it seems too difficult. Sometimes life is just bigger than you. Sometimes you get caught up in silly things. Sometimes you save and sometimes you spend. Sometimes you lose your keys. Sometimes you get all green lights. Sometimes it all makes perfect sense. Sometimes you hate your green carpet. Sometimes you don't care. Sometimes your trash stinks. Sometimes you make it just in the nick-of time. Sometimes you crave circus peanuts. Sometimes you are scared. Sometimes you get free tickets. Sometimes you can't wait! Sometimes you get in trouble. Sometimes you mess up, and sometimes you mess up big. Sometimes you wish you could rewind. Sometimes you want to play it over and over again. Sometimes life keeps you guessing.... because nothing ever really happens all the time, because sometimes there are exceptions and sometimes there are opposites... And sometimes that's just the way life is.
(and sometimes your boss says you can't blog at work so you are really behind on all of your thoughts!)