Keep my seat warm

Have you ever sat down in a public area, such as a bus or bench, right after somebody else was sitting there and it's still warm? I don't know about you but if you have had this happen, it actually grosses me out and I can't exactly explain why. It's like a reminder of somebody else's germs or body are left behind. It's weird, but I think about it every day on my bus ride home. I have had this happen so many times now and every time I wonder why people say, "keep my seat warm" when they get up, maybe it's a way of asking somebody to save their seat, or maybe they don't care if it's somebody they know. But for the most part, after sitting in a few people's warmed seats, it's unlikely that I will be using that phrase again.

Mothers in this Dual Income World

It breaks my heart to see new young mothers cry as they leave their new three month old baby in the arms of a stranger as they return to work. But this has become the norm, this is what it takes to make it in today's society. The days of Beverly Cleaver are long gone, and the career of a "homemaker" is only showing up on a handful of filed taxes. Don't get me wrong- I couldn't be more grateful for women's liberation, for our right to vote, and to have education and equality. I am so grateful for these rights and opportunities that are offered to me and my fellow women. But it seems that the right to mother, and to do it full time is not done so freely anymore. Sometimes I envy the women of previous generations who were celebrated as mothers. There are so many responsibilities now cast on women that take away from their responsibilities as mothers. While the men are enjoying a little less pressure on them to provide for the family, the women are not feeling that same weight lifted when it comes to being a mother.

How did it come to this? Why is it that the average home price is now four or five times the average household income? Back in the 50's the rule of thumb was to buy a home double your salary. And now it's five times the household income, which is the salary of both husband and wife combined, not even one salary but five times both! Sure, housing prices are dropping, but still not enough to make things affordable, especially since layoffs are as abundant as foreclosures.

It's discouraging to seriously wonder if you can ever make it. Making it today means one of a few things if you would like to stay at home with your children.... 1) your husband has one of the top producing jobs, (doctors, lawyers,tech, finance & real estate... most of these come along with ridiculous amounts of student loans) or 2) you have family resources to tap into or 3) you live in one of the few affordable pockets left in this country, or 4) perhaps you are really lucky! Otherwise, you are a working mother. Which is fine, and a lot of women prefer to go back to work. Some are intimidated or overwhelmed by full time mothering. But my issue is the fact that within this society the the option is no longer there for those women who want to be at home with their children during the developing years of their lives. It's a tough battle to fight and win, and I admire the sacrifices of both working mothers and mothers at home. I'm sure there is a lot to manage.

I envy the exception... the many mothers who do what they can to work from home or pick up side jobs that rarely take them away from their family, unfortunately not everyone gets this chance. I'm sure time and money are still probably always running short. And to some degree, whether they are working in or out of the home, their time and attention is divided from their children, and the burden of making ends meet in this dual income world does not subside. I encourage women to work and enrich them selves. To study and learn and grow are all things we should seek. But my beef lies with a society that has created demands that are so often unrealistic and not affordable. Demands that steal from the time a mother or father could spend with their children, strengthening future generations. Having the perfect job and the perfect kids don't really go hand in hand...

Fathers are victims of this dual income world as well. They have pressure to provide, when the opportunities to be a top earner are few and far between and put greater demands on time. They don't get the time they want to be there to love and enjoy time with their families. Mothers and fathers are both a part of the decision to let their children be in day care, and I'm sure it is painful for both. But the teary mother who has to work when her baby is sick feels that a part of her is suffering each moment she is at work.

I don't know what I will do when I get there, I suppose I will do the best I can with my situation when the time comes.

Yours Mine and Ours

Families are fascinating! We are born into this world, and into a family unit. It is a beautiful and wonderful thing to have people there to love and provide from the beginning. You grow up with your family, loving them despite their weaknesses and imperfections. We allow those we love most, free trespasses when they make mistakes or offend. Sometimes you feel that it's ok for you to say something critical about a family member because there is an unconditional love that is already assumed, but when somebody outside of the family says the same thing then it would seem uncalled for or too critical. So as families grow up and children get married, the dynamics dramatically change. In-laws bring a new and foreign element to the family, because they are coming from somewhere else. And as you become an in-law to a new family you have a new perspective of your own. When I was first married it was difficult to be in a family that was new and unfamiliar and surrounded by people I didn't really know very well and they did not know me... and yet we were supposed to be family? I was put into family situations that were supposed to feel natural but they didn't. The truth is... it takes time! And it takes effort! And it will never feel the same as your own family so you are better off not comparing and just appreciating the differences. It's difficult not to feel protective of your own family. It's natural to be partial to them, and there is nothing wrong with that. And as an in-law it's natural to feel like an outsider imposing on a family. But it's important to make an effort for the person that you love most- to love the family he loves too. Within the relationship there will always be your family and his family and together you start over and make a family of your own. It is important love yours, mine and ours and not let differences divide you. I'm sure it's difficult as you have that family of your own, finally a family unit that you and your spouse both love equally and you created together. And then it starts over, your children grow and marry and bring new children into the family- once again adding in-laws to the mix. "In-laws" are family by law- that's not exactly the most loving term because it sounds like a legal obligation- and who likes that? And who wants to be that? Even for those who have great relationships with in-laws, they have to make an effort, and see beyond the differences. Each family is unique and beautiful. And no other family will have the same arrangement of strengths and weaknesses as where you came from and offer the family experience that made you who you are. Here, the golden rule should always be applied- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Give each other the benefit of the doubt, be open to see where others come from, because each family is very unique. Learn from others who have been through your stage of life and can offer insight to make it a smooth and rewarding experience.

Dreams are so weird

Dreams are so weird and I just remembered mine. I think it was from this morning while snoozing between my alarms. (It takes three for me to get going in the morning- my poor husband!) And I wanted to go back to sleep to find out what happens.... (which never works.) I don't even know where to begin- places that are supposed to be familiar but are not, people from work mixing with TV characters. Being in it and yet feeling like you are watching it like a movie too... And story plots changing constantly and only remembering pieces and then thinking about it the rest of the day until you eventually forget. And sometimes you are in extremely bizarre or scary circumstances that don't seem weird at all when they are in the dream, like part of mine this morning there was a group of us in some cabana type camp somewhere and somebody was going to shoot me... Other than that I remember glimpses and scenes that have no story line. Dreams are just weird- I don't understand them and never have?

Second Guess the News...

We live in a world where many people believe News=facts. If they heard it on the news then it must be true right? The news would never lie... the truth is, that although the news relies on the most credible sources out there, people and politics are always behind the scenes. They will not lie but they can certainly mislead or share only one side of the story. Some sources are more liberal than others, while others remain on the far right. A lot of this has something to do with where you live. Sadly, news has continued to be muddled in the online world, mostly due to bloggers. Many blogs are set up to look like news sites and post articles, but truly they are just a series of opinion pieces.
I hope that people think twice before blindly believing. It's hard not to, I do it too. And it probably wasn't until college when I studied public relations that I really had the awakening. Did you know that's what PR is? Yes, sorry I am outing the truth about public relations- It's product placement through news. It's all about getting somebody to write a story about your product or company, and putting out the fires of the negative ones. Don't get me wrong, I think PR is great and can benefit an organization in amazing ways. My point is... There is often a motive behind a story- sometimes very innocent and harmless, and sometimes one group is put down to bring their opponent up.
Why do you think those on a Jury are not supposed to watch/read the news during trial? The news is produced by writers who have to make it interesting, and that means there is some bias. They always have all the facts/evidence, and it's not always communicated in context with the story. I hope I am not misunderstood- the news is great, it's just not as pure as the public often believes so I just hope when you hear a story that you read between the lines and watch with critical eyes where necessary.

"There are those you love, and those you just don't know yet..."

This has indeed been my thought for a very long time. The more you get to know somebody the more you understand where they are coming from, you know why they do the things they do and appreciate who they are. Most people are born with good intentions, and although society is in serious moral decline, most people are brought up with a basic understanding of right and wrong, and what they don't know you realize you can't hold them accountable for. Everyone has their own story and their own struggles. The more you know about what somebody has been through, the more your heart is inclined to love and assist them. This is a trite example, but if you have followed the show LOST, then you know at first glance there are a bunch of strangers on an airplane, some with very shady pasts. But as the show opens up their lives, you come to love and appreciate even a criminal like Sawyer. Some people carry burdens from their past- guilt, shame, revenge, anger, abandonment, heartbreak... etc. Receiving love and understanding is the best cure for any of these troubles. And I think we could all do a better job of judging less and loving more. So if you don't already love somebody- then maybe you just don't know them yet.

Why Islam?

I first saw one of these ads on the side of the bus and I was immediately intrigued. I have googled Islam before, and found online resources limiting. Sure, I love Wikipedia, but it was not comprehensive enough and when it comes to religion I like to hear it from the source. After spending quite a bit of time at http://www.whyislam.org/ I feel that I have a better understanding and appreciation of Islam. I was happy to get away from media and social bias and learn both the history and beliefs of one of the worlds largest and most influential religions. Some of it I already knew or had a good idea about, but the clarification was very helpful. I was reminded and comforted by the many similarities between Islam and my own beliefs. I appreciate people who are willing to acknowledge God in their lives and seek to live according to God's will. In a world of modern technology sometimes people look to the Internet for answers, and many religions are misunderstood. It is important to seek the official source and not get too caught up in the here say and slander. I also hope that people will look into http://www.mormon.org/ to begin understanding the truth about Mormons. Many churches do not have one central head, so it's hard to find one official site to represent, but if you know of any others then I would love to know.

Reflections

Since this is my blog that nobody reads yet I figure I can get away with writing about nothing in particular. These are interesting and troubling times. After months of rising heat in housing markets around the nation, I remember about a year ago when with the failure of Bear Sterns set Wall Street ablaze! So many others followed suit in the months to come, Lehman Brothers, AIG, Indymac... etc. Now such headlines are all too common to barely stir newsworthiness. The stock market, layoffs and foreclosure statistics are constantly revealed at record lows... and after so many times nobody can trust when the "record low" will hold it's rank very long before a new record is set.
I personally know people out of work and struggling to find a job or pay the bills. I don't have much but I too lost almost 40% of my 401k, I cannot imagine those who are near retirement and just lost 40% of what they have worked 40 years to build. People throughout America are scared and don't know who to trust. When there are trust issues... there are problems. Some people are looking to Obama as some kind of savior and others are trying to be more self reliant. Whatever the method, everyone is affected and is having a some version of a wake-up call. Questioning what's really important, needs verses wants. And pondering old cliche's like "money can't buy happiness." We must look within for greater joy in life, finding love and laughter and gratitude for what we do have and not overemphasising what we must go without.
I cannot speak for all, but I speak for many of my generation. We grew up in times of economic prosperity and are now learning for ourselves that our once common ways of life, are in fact luxuries to be earned rather than hand outs. Perhaps we will become more grateful for what we have and have had throughout our lives. I hope for the best and I pray for those in need. I have faith that there will be prosperity again, but I don't know that money will ever be so freely spent by our generation. I think that many corrections are absolutely necessary and I hope that more responsible behavior will follow. I hope for a higher standard of ethics and self discipline to spread, not because it is enforced by the government but because people see these times as an opportunity to change from within and to be a little better moving forward.

Well Stated Jane Eyre

"I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unstained, I am, the more I respect myself. I will keep the law given by God, sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad- as I am now. Laws and Principles are not for times when there is no temptation; they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigor; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth, so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane, quite insane, with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations are all I have at this hour to stand by; there I plant my foot." --Jane Eyre

So I happen to be reading Jane Eyre for the first time right now and I am finally really into it. There are so many great passages, but yesterday this one really stood out to me. It goes along with the principle, which I firmly support, that one should decide his/her morals before facing temptation. And it is through these morals that we gain self respect, which makes any suffering or sacrifice worth it. No value can be assigned to self respect or moral conviction. These attributes can define our character, even in and especially in times of weakness or temptation offer guidance and comfort. I love this line, Laws and principles are not for times when there is no temptation. Well stated Jane Eyre, I couldn't agree more.

Oh to crave...

"An intense desire to consume a particular food" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Food_craving) I hear about pregnant women and their cravings, but I have had intense cravings all my life, so I see no correlation there- and if anything I fear my cravings becoming more frequent or intense when I am with child. I am always craving something, as if there is a queue of cravings at any given time, and to the point that I cannot forget it until it is fulfilled. And all that nonsense about cravings coming from what your body is deficient in- I don't think so, because then I would crave healthier foods, meat and iron... but no- I think it's more psychological. Some sort of comfort found in a particular food. A week ago I started craving these Trader Joe's cinnamon graham crackers. They are nothing to rave about- but I thought it would go away and it did not- a whole week passed and I was still thinking about them- so I gave up a splendid parking spot (which should tell you right there that I must have really wanted them) and went to Trader Joe's and bought two boxes and ate probably ten! And a few days ago I started craving good old fashioned cheep high calorie and low nutrition- Kraft Macaroni & cheese. I just need a few bites! I have not yet had the chance to indulge on this but it has not left me since it started. Most of my cravings are pretty random, anything from creamsicles to circus peanuts, pickles or Thai food. Sometimes I really just need a taste and other times I go overboard. Some of my cravings come from commercials (I'm such a sucker to food marketing!) more frequently certain smells start the craving or memories of a particular flavor, or hearing somebody else talk about it.My husband knows that once I mention something that the item will show up in our fridge or cupboard within the week. I really can't explain- perhaps I am too indulgent- or this shows I may have addictive behavior. I'm not quite sure, but please tell me I'm not totally alone in this.. What's on your craving queue?

Chit chat

There must be some sort of code to chit-chat, I haven't read it but everyone seems to know the dialect and routine... On Mondays in the office everyone asks, "How was your weekend, etc..." Midweek people say the generic, "How are you? What's up?" Or they resort to talk about lunch or weather, or a major current event. And when Thursday and Friday roll in they start asking "What are you plans for the weekend... etc" And this same routine is played out each week with coworkers who we don't know very well or only interact with in the kitchen or in passing.

This same type of thing happens when people meet for the first time, as if there are standard questions to meeting... "Where are you from? What is your occupation?" Although I clearly see a purpose in this, because you have to start somewhere- After being asked the same thing over and over, responses are rehearsed and it all becomes less personal, and after those first few questions people run out of conversation. It stays on the surface and people are afraid to ask anything "too personal" for fear of being offensive. But why? Isn't that how you really get to know each other, how you really become friends? Are those first questions a selection process of who you can continue with? Do we ask so we can find common ground to discuss? And why is it so easy to connect with some people, and you don't even remember that silly intro chit chat- people who become good friends instantly? Why are there walls with some and not others- mutual acquaintances always soften the intro. But I find these human habits quite interesting and wonder if they vary by culture? How much do we judge from those question and answers that reveal so little and how is each person's categorizing process different? I read a book last year called Blink- that discussed our instant judgements that we make without further information. Do we form these habits to protect ourselves, to shield ourselves until we build trust and comfort? Some people may not relate because they have no social inhibitors, while others may not know that conversation ever gets deeper or relationships can become more meaningful because they don't know how to get past this point.

I don't know where I am going with these thoughts, this is all rambling- but each week as I over hear these routine conversations or take part in them myself- I wonder why? And I would like to switch it up. This is where my hypothetical questioning could come in handy. One of my favorites, "If you knew you were going to be a guest on Oprah sometime in the next 15 years, what do you think it would be for? (Amazing talent, wrote a book, cooking skills, makeover, burn victim.. etc)" Basically, What is your story? Or what will it be? And are you willing to share it?

Do they see what I see?

Have you ever been conversing with a friend or family member and realised that they see themselves very differently than how you see them. OR- they see you very differently than you view yourself? Self perception really is such a strange thing. I still don't know how to tell who is really accurate, because one would think that they know themselves the best- but often times the clearer view is outside of you. I have met people who think they are the greatest while I am not at all impressed and I have met amazing people who think of themselves as insignificant in every way. How does this happen? How do we decide what we see? Is it how we feel or what we have heard others say? If you and your best friend filled out a survey about you- would your answers be the same? Or what if your mom, your teacher, and your boy friend all took that same survey- would they all describe you in different ways because of your various experiences with them? I think it is important to understand yourself and know who you are and who you want to be. It may be important to consider the opinions of others you trust to help you understand your own behaviors or feelings about you. It seems that the most accurate view would be to take into account those around you and compare it with your own. You may learn more about yourself. And you may have insight to share about others.

Where do you browse?

When you dream, what do you dream about? What books do you buy, what magazines do you read, what websites do you visit? What gets your attention? There is so much available to us, information and shopping and social networking... So when you are surfing the Internet where do you waste your time... Some people shop- always looking for good deals or the latest items. Some are addicted to eBay, and others to baby clothes. Some, like my husband, can spend hours on sports pages reading articles and checking stats or scores. Some people look at things they shouldn't-(I won't go there)- Some people go for self-help stuff or health & fitness. Others read recipes and others read about real estate. And some discover craft projects while others read celebrity gossip or others watch Hulu and YouTube nonstop. But if you were to catch me doing something non-work related while at my desk... I would probably be found on http://www.sidestep.com/, http://www.kayak.com/, http://www.lonelyplanet.com/, Travelocity, Expedia, Travel Leisure, Marriott, Delta...etc. I would be dreaming about my next vacation, planning a getaway or counting how many more miles i need to go somewhere. I can't explain, but when I walk in a book store I find myself in the travel section reading and dreaming. I know that everyone has an outlet that they find at their desk or at the mall or in a magazine... what is yours?

Real Happy Endings

I'm sure everyone already saw this on the news or maybe watched it live. But I just have to say that I love real live Happy Endings- No reality TV set-up or script, and although these passengers were probably a little traumatized, they will be all more grateful for their lives. http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=6656774

So Tired....

Sometimes I get down right annoyed at the fact that a bunch of early birds run the world. For some reason they make everyone work on their clocks when the reality is that for some of us, it's just so much easier to stay awake at night than it is in the morning. I would love to be a lazy cat who can see in the dark and stay up all night and sleep in the warm sun all day.... Don't cat's kill birds in the whole circle of life thing? So why are the early birds still on top? And what's so great about getting the worm anyway?

My friend with a newborn baby said the other day that it takes a while for a baby to figure out how to sleep at night and be awake in the day because in the womb it's all the same... So this proves that we are not born with it! It's something we train our bodies to do. I can see why back in the day there was no other option because lack of lighting made the night ours less productive, and we do need our sleep, so it made sense- but the whole morning thing, waking up when it's still dark- it has never been and probably never will be natural or easy for me. I've been doing it my whole life and I still dread every morning!!! So after staying up too late last night, now I sit at my desk at work, trying my darndest to stay awake. Bloodshot eyes and raw skin demonstrate my lack of beauty sleep. Don't get my wrong- I love the day, I love the sun, I love the light.... But I hate the mornings. Just a few more hours would make all the difference... Or at least compensate with the whole siesta thing- the Spanish are certainly onto something there!

Tail-wagging smiles

I can't take claim to this original thought, for my mother once came up with it and it has since always made me laugh when it comes to mind. So dogs can't really smile, so they have to show their smiles and happiness through wagging their tails. It's cute and all when they do it- but wouldn't it just be funny if we couldn't smile, and wagged our bottoms instead? Just try it some time, keep a straight face and wiggle your booty when you are happy...

Scales & Mirrors

So I was thinking last night that Scales and Mirrors are most definitely not my friends. And then I got to thinking what the world would be like without them? I can understand the purpose of scales for measuring goods and such, but whoever thought of putting people on them was just cruel. Mirrors and scales sort of have a lot in common when it comes to people- they are supposed to let you know where you stand- but of course, we wouldn't know what is expected without society and media to compare against... So mirrors, this includes all things like mirrors, cameras and such... but really- what if you never knew what you looked like and you had to trust others? What about back in cave-man days when all they saw was a rare reflection in a clear lake.

Do mirrors make us more self centered? More self consumed? If you never looked at yourself then would you focus more on those around you? Would you admire the beauty of others and not compare it against your own. Perhaps the whole world of make-up and nose jobs would never have evolved without mirrors. Is there any correlation between time spent looking in mirrors and self-absorption or vanity? Will there be mirrors in heaven? Perhaps we should spend a little less time looking into physical mirrors and consider the reflections of our lives that allow us to see who we are and who we have become through experiences and choices we have made.

So here we go...

I guess this is the beginning of sharing my thoughts on any random thing that comes to mind. I'm sure at times this will be repetitious and I have no idea who my audience will be, but this will be a form of online journaling for me. Not in the sense of what I did today.... but what I thought about. Probably things of no interest to anyone else, but perhaps an opportunity to see into someone else's brain for a moment. I don't always plan to make a lot of sense or do a lot of editing, but just let it flow. So here we go! Enjoy!