Who created you?

Perhaps it was that Valentine that you received in the second grade that said, “you’re beautiful” or it was the time that you didn’t get picked for the soccer team with all of your friends, or playing the lead in the school play, or the time that your teacher told the whole class that you got the high score on the test, or the day that you messed up and got stage fright in your piano recital, or the bully that called you the poor kid, the fat kid or the stupid kid, or that moment that you realized all of the power that came along with being “popular”, or that time when somebody invited you to play and it made you feel special, or how you felt when you got ditched, or that time when you saw somebody picking on your best friend and you stopped them, or when somebody said thank you for something so simple as sharing, or the person who caught you stealing, or when you lied and got away with it, or that day that you made your mother cry, or when you blamed your sister for something you did, or feeling forgotten when your parents were hours late to pick you up from practice, or the angry face you witnessed you saw your first fist fight, or that pit in your stomach when you heard your friends talking about you behind your back, or that butterfly moment when you found out that the boy/girl that you liked- liked you back, or that time that you listened to somebody else’s problems and learned something about yourself, or that person who judged you and you felt misunderstood, or that teacher that filled your brain with crazy ideas that contradicted everything your parents taught, or that friend that you knew was a bad influence that you hung around anyway, or that smart kid who always gave you something to work towards, the president your did a report on in the fifth grade, or that teacher/coach that really encouraged you to new levels, the person who caused your first pang of jealousy, the weird kid who took you to the Prom, the person who really helped you to know that God is real, the character in your favorite book, the people who loved you, the people who sometimes knew you better than yourself despite your willingness to admit it, your mother, your father, your brother or sister, aunt or uncle, cousin or grandmother, or the grandparent you never met but everyone said that you were just like him/her, or the dog that was your best friend and confidant, your first love, the heart that you hated to break, your greatest competition, that friend who would always listen, that person who you knew could understand you, that person who bugged you so much that you did everything opposite just to ensure that you were not like him/her, the friend who moved away, the people who loved to put you in a box, the people who won’t let you grow up and make changes, the people who let you free and who let you learn and be who you want to be, the people that you watched and learned from without them knowing it, your children that taught you a whole new meaning of love, sacrifice and selflessness, the person who saved your life, the person you lost who made you stop taking life for granted, the people who watched and followed you without you knowing it, your first boss, the coworker you despised, envied or admired, the raunchy waitress who tried your patience, the person who held the elevator or picked up your glove and reassured you that there are still good people in the world...

People, and our interactions with people, how we view people and how people view us, the way we feel about people and how we react to people and the little moments and experiences with people that we hold on to, are all an influence in who we are... So many people take part in creating you and me both. And we are each helping to create the people around us whether we realize it or not. Through what experiences among the people in your life have you become who you are? Who has been and who now is part of creating you?

Change

Change, everybody wants it and hates it, fears it and loves it and loathes it....
Change, it's everywhere and every way and everything and everyone...
Change, it's here and now, then and there, before and after, forever and always...
Change, there's no stopping you, you are the one and only invincible...

Change, they are calling for you, they are running from you, they are trying to predict you...
Change, you are a breath of fresh air in a hot and humid fish market...
Change, you will not leave me alone when I have not slept for days...
Change, you never give up, you never give in and you always change your mind...

Change, you have a unique way of doing things...
Change, sometimes I think we are friends but sometimes I think you forget me, but...
Change, I have learned that you are a friend to no one and every one...
Change, you must be the master of love-hate relationships by now...

Change, you always leave and you always come back...
Change, I never know when to expect you, but I always do...
Change, you make life real, you make time tick, you make the show go on...
Change, I miss you when you are away but I can only handle so much at once…

Change, I wish you would just tell me your secrets; I can't handle the suspense...
Change, why should I decide, you are going to do it your way anyway...
Change, it's always one thing after another, after another, after another with you...
Change, sometimes you are killing me, sometimes you bring me back to life...

Change, you love the unexpected, surprises and coincidences, you are quite serendipitous...
Change, you thrill in provoking the status quo and revel in the pranks that you play...
Change, you really are quite a character full of unpredictable quirks...
Change, you love to meddle in every one's business, you could be an incredible gossip...

Change, you make me feel confused and overwhelmed and yet sometimes relieved...
Change, you are like the ocean, so vast and deep, undiscovered and full of all kinds of life...
Change, you are so fascinating, words really cannot describe...
Change, there is no canvas big enough to paint you, no eye can see your far reaching effects...

Change, you are a web that connects everyone to everyone else...
Change, you are common ground for mankind, you make exceptions for no one…
Change, you make me a better person, you know how to change people…
Change, you are the great editor, red pen in hand marking up the drafts…

Change, we see your shadow in your actions but you cannot be caught…
Change, people will always go after you and they will try to use you, but…
Change, you go where you please, you are always here, there and everywhere…
Change, you really are the only constant…

Raincoats

Perhaps the confusion started with the final scene of Breakfast at Tiffany’s, the part where Holly Golightly is wearing her khaki trench coat running through the alley yelling for Cat and getting soaked in the rain. There is a certain timeless look that I love about these coats. The original design is attributed to Burberry, created for the men in WWII. It became a popular style for men and women soon after. There are now hundreds of versions of this coat in all price ranges and qualities and styles. I have even owned a couple of versions myself (sadly leaving my first one in the airport a few years ago) but it wasn’t until this year that I discovered something else… A real raincoat, I mean one with a hood! It’s actually quite ridiculous that I never owned one before. And that I fell for the ads, mixing up “trench coats” for “raincoats” because they certainly are not the same. Trench coats are just really cute coats that advertisers like to put on models holding umbrellas and call them raincoats just to confuse us- often times they are not even water resistant. I know it’s not as cute or fashionable but this rainy winter in San Francisco has made me so happy to finally have a raincoat with a hood! (With thanks to Eddie Bauer for being so practical.) I don’t have to worry about forgetting my umbrella or only having one hand available or predicting if it will/will not rain today. Now I just can’t figure out why nobody else is catching on? I have seen girls every day wearing their adorable trench coats but their head is getting soaked, there goes the hair and make-up! Or they forget and leave their umbrella on the bus or at work or forgot to bring it at all. Somewhere along the way they got confused about trench coats and raincoats too. I still love the classic trench coats and they are perfect in San Fran for the other ten months of the year, but I have certainly learned that a raincoat is not a raincoat without a hood.

Fitins & Fitouts

I was thinking the other day about two kinds of people- those who like to fit in, and those who don’t. And how the two seem to always be at odds with each other. It’s kind of a complex little world of social phenomenon that comes into play. … Let’s just say you have a small town in the Midwest… you have a group that has been there forever, doing what their parents did, and what their parents’ parents did and so on…Going to the same schools, living in the same areas, enjoying the same hobbies, cheering on the same teams, and mingling with the same crowds… these are thick legacies not to be broken. They are living that same life that they saw modeled for them- it’s comfortable and familiar and they know what to expect and it’s probably a pretty good life. There is nothing wrong with this. It would probably be quite a little Utopia if it weren’t for that “other type” of person… These are often called the “black sheep”, the “rule-breakers”, “outcasts” or “outliers” or “misfits”… (Ha- “misfit” perfectly defined as “one who does not fit in.”) These are the people who like to be different and have a natural instinct against conformity of any kind. They relish in their uniqueness. It’s the classic story about the son or daughter born into a family from the “Fitin” group who feels restlessness with the world around him/her because he/she feels more akin to the “fitouts” and wants to be different… There is a conflict of interests that follow, the social pressure from the Fitins make it difficult because once you become a Fitout it’s difficult to go back because now you have already done something “different.” The Fitins are not usually very accepting of the Fitouts because they are unfamiliar, unpredictable and just “different”. They talk amongst themselves about how weird or bizarre they are and about the unimaginable or peculiar things that they do. And although the Fitouts do not seem to be so consumed with the Fitins and their predictable ways, they too are guilty of critiquing their lack of originality and sometimes shallow focus. They are usually cordial but the bottom line is just that they don’t understand each other. It’s funny though because sometimes you might have a Fitout that just doesn’t like the Fitins in their area because they just don’t have the same interests… so they break away and find a new area, a new group where they “fit in” and soon this new group with common interests and histories create a new generation of Fitins. It goes both ways because life always does. Sometimes you have somebody who is a Fitin, they actually like the life, the style and the people and everything that all of the other Fitins like in their circle… but this Fitin wants to feel different so they go among another circle with a different history/culture and ways but they hold to their roots rather than changing and relish in the fact that they are different now but they didn’t have to change who they were, just where they were because they are still just like everyone else where they came from but their new circle doesn’t really know that. And there are so many Fitouts who are actually Fitins but they won’t admit it, because sometimes people do something “different” just to “fit in”- it seems a little contradicting but it’s surprisingly common. So often people are trying to fit in with one crowd while trying to fit out or make a statement against another…. So maybe we are not all one or the other but a little bit of both at different times and places and social circles. It may depend on who and what you are exposed to, and most people don’t realize that these things alter their choices and can define who they are. So many people say that they “don’t care what people think” because they care the most- and say that just because they want people to think that they don’t care… which clearly means they really do care if they make such a big deal of saying it all the time. People like to talk and point fingers and make judgments and make up silly unwritten rules to place each other in categories- just to make it easy for them to typecast one another rather than getting to know each other. Nobody is all or nothing and no two people are exactly alike even if they try to be- we see and feel and taste and think and hear and imagine different things, different colors or angles or pitches or tones or flavors or temperatures or emotions… we are each uniquely crafted as individuals from the moment we enter this world. If only we could embrace it, and embrace it in each other and realize that it’s that very individual uniqueness that is the one commonality that can help us understand one another.

Organics

I have always been curious about how "Organic" and "Free Range" are definted and how various items qualify to carry these titles. How can you trust that they really are what they claim? I am still unsure- unless you go right out on the farm and see for yourself. Anyway- this Youtube video shares some interesting insight on all of the "Organic" items "Made in China"....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ31Ljd9T_Y

The History of Love

'The Birth of Feeling. Feelings are not as old as time, it began.
Just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings were being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret. When stubbornness was felt for the first time, it started a chain reaction, creating the feeling of resentment on the one hand, and alienation and loneliness on the other.
It might have been a certain counterclockwise movement of the hips that marked the birth of ecstasy; a bolt of lightning that caused the first feeling of awe. Or maybe it was the body of a girl named Alma. Contrary to logic, the feeling of surprise wasn't born immediately. It only came after people had enough to get used to things as they were. And when enough time had passed, and someone felt the first feeling of surprise, someone, somewhere else, felt the first pang of nostalgia.
It's also true that sometimes people felt things and because there was no word for them, they went unmentioned. The oldest emotion in the world may be that of being moved; but to describe it- just to name it- must have been like trying to catch something invisible.
(Then again, the oldest feeling in the world might simply have been confusion.)
Having begun to feel, people's desire to feel grew. They wanted to feel deeper, despite how much it sometimes hurt. People became addicted to feeling. They struggled to uncover new emotions. New kinds of joy were forged, along with new kinds of sadness: The eternal disappointment of life as it is; the relief of unexpected reprieve; the fear of dying.
Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist. There are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written, or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges, and absorbs the impact. '

--The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

This was just such a beautiful passage from the current book that I am reading that I had to share...

Words...

Every word ever written was because somebody felt that they had something to say. Perhaps they felt the need to record a notable event, a family history, an emotion or a discovery. Or perhaps they wanted to make sure that certain knowledge was not lost, or they just had to write it because there was nobody to tell and they wanted to release that burden from their heart or mind. And by writing they found that little burden lifted. Sometimes it is just releasing the weight of your memory, if you write it then there is a back up so you won’t worry about forgetting. It’s amazing to think of all of those words or pictures that have been scribbled in books or on walls or post-its. Think of the millions of books in the library of Congress and the notebooks that are filled in classrooms each day, and all of that mail passing through the postal service world wide. Words, some of them now cherished and preserved, others sleep in attics and so many are now but ashes. And that isn’t even the whole of it- what of all those words not written? The ones buried deep in the hearts of the wounded and weary that they cannot share? Words that have caused tears and laughter, and one step further there are all of those things that words just cannot describe and those moments where you just can’t find the words…

Blame

When things go wrong, people immediately look around to see who/what is to blame, everyone starts pointing fingers and creating alibis. No matter what happens it must always be somebody’s “fault.” Ironically it is the opposite when something goes great, hands are raised to claim the credit, shouts of “Me”, “My idea”, “I did it!” This is partially why the entire legal system exists… it’s all about deciding who takes the blame/credit for what happened or pre-deciding who will take it if x, y, & z happen… Or who is responsible for what and what is tied to it- who gets the credit, who carries the responsibility? They try to foresee all of the potential outcomes and define ownership & responsibility and set up preventative measures. But life isn’t very predictable so there is a lot of sorting through the mess after the fact. And where people are concerned, there’s always “human error” and several versions to each story. The justice system is deeper than just figuring who everyone can agree to point their finger at… people want justice in the form of punishment/penalty so the guilty must suffer as the afflicted. For example, take that horrible situation with the Fort Hood shooting. It was an absolute tragedy. But it is not enough to point fingers and blame the crazy shooter who was unstable in so many ways and took his own life, which may have been the punishment had he survived anyway. But that’s not enough- everyone wants to keep pointing fingers and blame others who merely knew or worked with the shooter, people want to continue to punish others so they can feel vindicated for their loss. Looking back it’s easy to say what somebody could have done to prevent the problem, but how were they to know? How can they be responsible? And where do you draw the line between what somebody could have done verses what they should have done? This example is a bit extreme but I have seen it in simple situations as well. We all do it, we blame and we punish and we deny and we claim. It may just be the way we are, the way the world runs, it’s part of choice and accountability and the plan of agency. But just because something is determined in court doesn’t mean that it is true, and just because you get away with something doesn’t mean it was ok. We are all guilty and accused and innocent and accusatory at various times and situations. So when it comes to the ridiculous squabbles over who’s to blame… you know it could have been you so you ask yourself, Can I really blame them?

Butter

Need I say more... It's wonderful and I love it. I blame my father for this. He spreads butter thicker than cream cheese so that you can see his teeth marks in each bite... I went through a phase where I tried to stop liking it and would dab it off like grease and then I remember several years ago I was having insane cravings for butter. I was convinced that it meant I must be pregnant and I let myself at it. Four years later and that craving has not stopped and I don't think it ever will. The tricky thing about butter is that it is so delicious but it cannot hold its own. It's kind of every one's best friend- bread, popcorn, veggies, meat... But in my opinion, Sugar is butter's soul mate. They are just one of those killer couples that everybody loves to hang out with! I have read magazines that tell you to always use unsalted butter and others say to use salted... I don't really care all that much- butter is butter as long as it's not "I can't believe it's not butter," or one of those other wannabes. Sometimes I make toast, planning to put some pb&j on it or maybe honey or jam... and two out of three times I end up with just good old butter because I don't want anything else to steal its thunder. (I sort of feel guilty writing all of this because I have a sweetheart little niece who cannot eat dairy and I have tried so many times to not let her realize what she is missing... but the truth is- butter and cheese are two of my great weaknesses in life!) I sort of feel like this is my confession on this great indulgence. Butter is one of those things that skinny people refuse to admit that they like. Perhaps I just needed to come out and explain why I have that extra layer around my belly. And at this point my vanity is losing to my inner foodie. Yes I cook with it, in fact it's the only thing that makes my cooking any good. So I must agree with the great quote by Julia Child, "With enough butter, anything is good..."

Pants On The Ground - Larry Platt - American Idol

I give in... My husband has been singing this catchy little tune for a while now and finally showed me the original. I'm sure many of you have already seen it but I thought I would share this memorable performance! Beware it gets stuck in your head and it's a little weird to be caught singing it...

Southwest- NO Fees

First, Read this. It's pretty ridiculous how much people/companies run by people, are just trying to get away with murder these days. I get it, I know as well as anyone else that the economy is not really recovering yet and we are all just hanging by a thread... But when this whole baggage fee thing began it was back when gas prices elevated to a ridiculous high and they said they needed to make up the additional gas costs. Since then- gas has dropped and although I am sure they are losing money just like everyone else in the industry, I just don't see any justification in raising fees again! They are doing it just because they can. And these same airlines have no customer service whatsoever and also charge you a million ridiculous fees if you ever want to change or reschedule your plans.... I am completely turned off.

SO moral of the story is... Southwest is Best! I just think they deserve a little pat on the back for keeping their customer interest in mind. Yes, I know their seating arrangement is a little bit like musical chairs but it's not that bad now that they at least have an order. And my disclaimer before I tell you why they are so great is...The only thing I actually dislike about Southwest are the occasional obnoxious flight attendants that sing one too many songs. They need to control the microphone and keep it away from the attention deprived American Idol Wanabees!

Ok- Now the good...So what you all should know is that when Southwest says "No Fees"- they really mean it.

1) All passengers still get to check-in two bags free of charge! (up to 50lbs each)

2) You can cancel your flight and get fully refunded!

3) You can make changes to your Itinerary without Change fees! (just the difference in cost)
4) They have a great Reward Points program that allows you to get free flights (that really are free without a bunch of fees added) And- they did not raise the amount of points to get a flight like so many other airlines recently did.

Ok- there are just a few more things you should know, Southwest is one of the only airlines that will not pull up in most of the online travel search engines like Expedia or Kayak... so you should always just go directly to their website, http://www.southwest.com/ . And unfortunately they do not fly internationally but they are expanding within the US. Happy travels...

A little stream of thoughts...

I have so many things on my mind that I don't know where to begin and maybe I'll come back to this thread again later to elaborate but for now I can't seem to narrow in on just one thing so here goes another ramble... Yes, the "New Year" of course this is a time of reflection and yet looking forward with hope. It's a time of resolution and wonder of what is yet to come and yet leaving things behind. But it's also just a little mile marker on this very long never ending road of existence. The mile marker is actually rather insignificant other than acting as a time reference... Oh yes, and the holidays- I do indeed love the build up to Christmas and just the whole feeling that surrounds Christmas... but I continue to hate the let down of New Years. I don't know why people insist on making New Years Eve into a big deal, everyone would enjoy it so much more without the ridiculous hype. People expect too much and are forced to stay up late until they are grumpy or wasted. On another note- I think people just wear me out. I was so exhausted after spending over a week of being social every day. This must have something to do with me being awkward, or being an introvert because I really do need my down time. Perhaps it's not the people that wear me out but more likely the fact that my brain and emotions can't keep up. There are always so many unfinished conversations and thoughts that my subconscious is trying to remember among all of the new information and details that I am trying to process and file away as well. And then there's the exhaustion that comes from their questions and speculation, and I think it's worse when you don't actually have answers... Like what happens next? Where will you live, what job will he take, when will you have kids...? Come on people- We are not keeping secrets- we just don't know! And boy would I like to know more than anyone else! Life is kind of funny like that, there is all of this figuring out the future business that seems to distract us from enjoying the present sometimes, and yet it one cannot ignore the importance of the future and just enjoy the present because that could make for an unfortunate future present. Once again- Life is just a balancing act! I also wish I understood more about God's role in our lives. Supposedly he already knows what we will do because he knows us so well. But I wonder, are things really "supposed to happen" any particular way? This is a long and tangled topic that I do not have the energy to explore right now... Another thing that I might as well add to these thoughts is- Why are there never any great guys to set up with all of the many wonderful girls that I know? Perhaps I am biased but I really think the quality of men is on a slippery steep slope these days, so when you find a good one- then he is probably worth hanging on to! When you think about it, Love really is quite a little miracle- of all of the people in the world, what are the odds that you will actually meet somebody that you are attracted to, who you enjoy being with, with whom you share beliefs, who you like, and who actually likes you back, who is willing to commit.... unfortunately- it's not all that likely so it's pretty amazing that it seems to happen all the time. Ok- another subject... Love-handles. Yes that wretched tire/extra layer that surrounds the mid-section of my body. I don't think it's natural or supposed to be there. Back in the day people were active all day long, they didn't "work out", exercise was just part of their day, imagine how hard your abs would work bending over picking from the garden, tilling the earth or cutting fire wood... imagine walking everywhere and carrying goods around... All I know is that it is not natural to sit behind a computer screen all day, with food prepared and delivered and somehow still be exhausted at the end of the day! Again- I have more thoughts on this subject but I'll move on to the next but since I mentioned work, I am kind of amazed how much of life comes back to one's occupation and ability to make money- why must we have money to survive in this world? Aren't there better things we should be doing with our time? But we don't because you can't get paid to do those really important things in life. Ha- once again, that balancing act of life comes to mind... Anyhow- I can see that this post is starting to make me look like I have a chip on my shoulder or something. I promise that I am not all doom and gloom, I am just trying to figure a few things out and I am kind of fascinated by the ironies of life and perhaps even more so by the ironies of humanity. Isn't it kind of amazing that no two people are ever really the same- I think I am repeating myself- but nobody has seen and heard and felt all that you have. Your perspective is unique to you. It's too bad that we don't all understand each other a little more. It seems that the challenges of life allow us more compassion on others because we start to understand what others may have gone through, or why sometimes people can do unreasonable things and hopefully this reminds us not to judge others. Okay- this is kind of one of those long boring posts that could go on forever because it is about nothing and everything... so I'll call it a wrap for now...

Some body's child...

I have thought a lot about this many a times and in many directions. How when I see a homeless man curled in a ball under the bus stop under his grimy damp blankets, I can't help but wonder, "Where is his mother? His family? Or his childhood BFF?" Where did he come from and how did he get here? I'm sure he did not come into the world under those circumstances but for whatever reason he is there now, estranged from the world. As I have said before, everyone has a story- but I start wondering- what is his? When did things turn or was it a series of small and unfortunate events? Were drugs involved? Perhaps it was peer pressure at a young age... perhaps his mother was on drugs and his father MIA- Was there abuse? Negligence? Perhaps he grew up in 10 different foster homes... Never a real home or a real family. I'm sure at some point there was selfishness, pride, and lack of forgiveness involved from many angles... Perhaps he never learned to trust and he just needed a little more love. Or the need for stability that the Government just can't provide. Perhaps if the other kids wouldn't have judged him and would have invited him to play- perhaps then he would have friends now to look after him. Perhaps he is what so many judge him to be- a lazy and incapable alcoholic... But once again I return to the thought- God did not send him into the world that way. He was once a baby boy in some body's tender loving arms... He was once a child full of laughter and innocence. He was once another kid in class who probably had a crush on the girl sitting next to him. He once had dreams and goals. He once had a purpose. And perhaps he still does. Perhaps he still has a pinch of hope left. And despite the hardships, I am sure he holds a handful of happy memories dear to his heart. Probably a heart with a thick wall around it by now. So how does it happen? Has he been hurt and crossed so many times that he just gave up? Or has he hurt others and crossed them so much that they had to give up on him to protect themselves? It happens, there is a point where a mother or fathers heart breaks but they can't take care of everything anymore. There are probably a lot of broken hearts involved. I am sure that God looks down and weeps, these are his lost sheep that wander and sleep on the streets. Each of them once a child, and still some body's child, God's child.

Awkward

Tired of being socially awkward? Can anyone relate? Not knowing what to say and sometimes saying things you probably shouldn’t or something just so random or irrelevant that it’s just awkward? But it makes sense to you because your train of thoughts led you there- but that’s just more random and weird to explain. You kind of feel out of place no matter where you are or who you are with. And even though you are among “friends” something just makes you feel like the odd ball. And most of this is what goes on in your head while everyone else couldn’t care less because they are so consumed in themselves too. You get nervous to go out and be social and any inkling of the spotlight makes you more uncomfortable. You want to go unnoticed but you also know that you must engage. Perhaps you can just watch and observe from the sidelines. But then they will think that is weird too…You are interested in other people but don’t know how to react when they show interest back because it’s difficult to decipher their sincerity. This is part of the problem, the overly confident, drama queens and gossip lovers make you especially uncomfortable because you know that they cannot be trusted and yet they are the worst kind to cross. But your better self will not allow you to become one of their followers. So you are just awkward. It’s a lack of confidence, insecurity and downright shyness that you have dealt with all of your life. And so you are awkward without meaning to be, partially because you don’t know what it is that you actually mean to be. You are not really sure of how to portray yourself because you fear overexposure but on the other hand have nothing to hide. All of the unwritten laws about social interactions are unnatural to you; these very laws are what make you feel so out of place. Because you naturally walk to the beat of your own drum, not theirs. But you live in their world and are told to play by their rules. So you seek a place between not breaking them and not abiding by them and there you sit in your awkward little bubble probably over-analyzing and thinking too much about all of it and then kicking yourself over the wasted thoughts of such trivial matters. They don’t understand you because you don’t fit any of the molds that they have premeditated. But one on one, you can usually fare just fine. Not great- but fine because you can explain yourself and give more context. It’s the large groups that you dread. Most people say you could use a drink to loosen you up. Extroverts will never understand introverts like you. Bottom line is that you are weird and awkward. The very word “Awkward” is awkward…it never looks right does it? And so you get the idea that I didn’t know how to come right out and say and I am tired of feeling socially awkward all of the time. It really is exhausting. So those of you who radiate natural charisma… don’t take it for granted. Please don’t judge me for this awkward rant, but these are often the thoughts of your awkward friends I’m sure. So don’t judge your awkward friends when they play hermit and opt for staying home to read a book, the very thought of socializing can make us tired and awkward all at once.

Never Tell a Lie

Never Tell a Lie

My teacher told me I should never tell a lie
Because a lie will bring you trouble sure as pie
It's an awful thing to do, and it's true as true as true
You'll get caught and then you'll start to cry
You'll have a horrid, painful pounding in your head
And then you'll feel your face get hot and turn bright red
Then your heart will start to thump
In your throat you'll get a lump
And you'll feel so bad you'll wish that you could
lie right down and die
You're just better off to never tell a lie
Not even sometimes!
Remember, never, never, never tell a lie!

This little song got stuck in my head the other day but I couldn’t remember all of the words. These are the lyrics I found online. It takes me right back to third grade singing time in the Kiva. It’s a good little message to consider.

A Legacy of Great Mothers

This morning my thoughts are turned to a legacy of wonderful mothers. I was feeling a little discouraged about some things this morning and I opened up my email to see a sweet note from my Grandmother just to say that she was thinking of me and hoping the best for us and missing us over Thanksgiving etc… First of all, I’m lucky to have a Grandmother who knows how to use the internet and email- that is impressive! Second, my grandmother gets it. She understands life and the ups and downs and she can relate and listen and understand as a dear friend. And third- She is in tune, she always seems to know when a phone call or an email or a meal is needed. I am grateful for my sweet grandmother and I have thought a lot about the legacy of good mothers and I have some big shoes to fill. But one thing that I think has created this legacy in our family is the friendship from mother to daughter. I have heard my Grandmother speak so endearingly about her own mother and I know that their friendship ran deep. This has continued in the relationship between my mother and Grandmother as well. There is so much more than just passing on great cooking tips and recipes, it is the love and support that is offered to family. Never seeking recognition for their hard work and selfless acts, these women give so much more than we will probably ever realize, not just in acts but in thoughts and prayers and love too. There is also much laughter and a great sense of humor necessary where great mothers are found. My mother has always been great at laughing off the most frustrating moments and turning them into great memories. And great patience, I don’t know if this grows with age but these women have great patience, and with it great faith and trust in God. I am grateful for such wonderful examples and this legacy of mothers in my family. I am grateful for the friendships that we share and the opportunities that I have to learn from them. Such a friendship can be greater than just mother to daughter, because it transcends these stages of life, and really shows that we were and will be friends in the eternities. I hope to be like them and fulfill this great legacy of mothers and I hope that someday I will have a daughter to carry it on too.

A Sour Economy...

Clearly this is no surprise to anyone. There is plenty to be said about this crazy horrible economy that we are wading through. There are the many theories of causes to discuss, each with a little truth but nobody really taking all of the blame. There are manipulating antics of the media that are driving me crazy… The mixed messages that we hear on a daily basis “It’s getting better, buy buy buy….” But do we only hear these things because they are trying to get a little more cash flow into the economy to bring truth to their claim… but then we hear more accurate reports that say, “It’s not over yet, save, save, save…” All around I know that what we are experiencing now is not normal. Everything is out of balance. It is far reaching and very real. We are each feeling it in different ways, some through the weight of depreciating home values, job losses, or retirement losses… It may be you, or a family member, neighbor or friend. People are silently suffering these additional stresses, trying to make ends meet, planning and preparing for the future. As I mentioned, there are a lot of avenues and perspectives and opinions to discuss about this wallowing economy and these are but a few. Something in particular that discourages me personally is the job market. As I have watched both friends and family and co-workers close to me look for jobs I have realized how desolate it really is out there. And if you don’t believe me then take a look for yourself! The entire job market has really been transformed… it’s dying. It is much deeper than the unemployment stats that you are seeing, and the mass layoffs you read about. People just aren’t hiring and at least one in five people are looking. And the few that are hiring, are taking their sweet time, increasing demands on experience, and lowering pay- just because they can! I have seen this happen too. Over 500 resumes for one position is not unusual, and that is without using any recruiters as used in years past, because who needs recruiters in this market? They are almost more desperate than those they are trying to place. Resumes and applications are flooding the internet. It’s overwhelming for everyone. Fewer jobs and more and more jobless each day.... I read this article in BusinessWeek last month which has made me even more discouraged for my peers in particular and the long term effects of this economy on my generation. I have been watching it happen. Recent graduates are struggling to land a job, and those with only a couple years of experience who are laid off or forced to start looking just can’t compete with those who have more experience. And those who are lucky enough to get an entry level job, are getting significantly underpaid which is a consequence that will linger into his/her career long term. Others are staying in their current jobs, underpaid, overworked and significantly undervalued without hopes of promotions or raises… just because they can’t find anything else and are desperate to keep paying the bills. Very capable people are being hindered from success and growth. Employers clearly have the upper hand right now, and too many of them know it and are starting to abuse it. But who can blame them, they have to watch their bottom line too. It really is a rotten job market and a sour economy. And nobody really knows where it will go from here, despite the many predictions. And it’s only a matter of a couple of years really… Just a few years ago recruiters were fighting for top talent and young graduates could expect a few competitive offers, young families were dashing out to buy their first homes and fulfill the American dream and kids were still writing to let Santa know that they would be in Hawaii for Christmas. This year, things are a little different. But I hope we can ask ourselves what we can learn and how we can grow from it all. Challenges in life are not always bad, but they are hard. It's a good time to learn how to cut back, budget and evaluate needs verses wants and think about the big picture stuff... But a world with fewer opportunities can certainly be a challenge, especially when it seems that you are suffering consequenses beyond your control. So you just hope that within these challenges, you can also find opportunity.

Beauty Sleep

I know that women often joke about needing their “beauty sleep” but I actually think it’s more than just a saying. There’s truth there. Something biologically wonderful happens when we sleep. It’s like a mini makeover each night that we take for granted. But you can really see the difference when you don’t get it. When I am sleep deprived my body starts falling apart. My skin gets flaky or oily without the much needed time to regenerate. I break out and I swear my stomach gets fatter and my appetite is all out of wack. My eyes are either puffy or sullen. Everything is red and sensitive and uneven. Lack of sleep breaks down my immune system and weird things happen like styes and cold sores and swollen lymph nodes or whatever else feels attacked by a weakened lack of white blood cells. When you are tired and sleep deprived it not only shows in your physique but in the energy that you radiate, or lack there of. Your brain is also dysfunctional and emotions can run amiss so it hurts your “inner beauty” too! Sleep deprivation seems to always be on the list of potential causes to any illness, always listed next to its good friend stress. I don’t really know how it works, but just like you and I can’t take care of our homes, clean and cook and make necessary repairs around the house until we are home from work. Our bodies are too busy working too, walking us through the day thinking and moving and talking. Then when we are finally still and fall into our sleep our bodies can take care of the cleaning and repairing ‘around the house.’ So there is something real behind “beauty sleep,” for both men and women alike. Children too need their sleep to grow. As we break down and use up our fuel each day, we must rebuild and recharge each night. It balances us out. Certainly a little beauty sleep never hurt anyone.

A little story...

Once upon a time...
There was a little boy named Jimmy. Jimmy had always dreamed of going to Space Camp. He knew everything that a nine year old could know about space and imagined even more. Saturn was his favorite planet because of the awesome rings, and Pluto was his favorite "not planet" because he loved to tell grown up that they were wrong when they said it was the ninth planet. Because they went to school 20 years ago when scientists didn't know what they know today about dwarf planets and such.
Jimmy talked his grandma into buying him astronaut ice cream which was his favorite food. And all he wanted was to be an astronaut when he grew up and he knew that the first step to NASA would be Space Camp.
When Jimmy turned nine his parents said that if he worked hard and saved up all of his money, then he could go to space camp when he turned ten.
So Jimmy did just that. He did all of his chores around the house and in the yard each week. He even started pulling weeds for Mrs. Pemberly next door and feeding her cat when she was away. He spent even more time babysitting his little sisters and sometimes his crazy cousin Jane too.
It was a lot of work but he knew it would be worth it.
So the time came, and on his tenth birthday he opened the best birthday present ever. A ticket to space camp! It came with a book and a badge and everything! Jimmy opened the cover and read, "To Jimmy, You have worked hard and that will make you a great astronaut. I hope to see you in Space. Your friend, Buzz Aldrin."
All of his friends ooed and ahhed, "That's so cool" said TJ. "I wish I could go" said Max. "Awesome, I can't wait until my birthday" said Garrett. The day after the party Max came over to play. Max asked if he could see Jimmy's book about Space Camp and hold the ticket. "This is the coolest thing ever, you are going to become a real astronaut," said Max.
With only a week left to prepare, the next morning Jimmy woke up and went to read his book and get ready for camp. But it was gone! The book and the ticket were both missing!!!
"Mom did you move my book?" Jimmy asked everyone in the house and searched everywhere. But the book and the ticket for camp were nowhere to be found.
Jimmy cried. He cried like his baby sister and thought his hopes and dreams were lost.
"It's okay sweetheart, we'll find it or we can try and get you another one," said Jimmy's mother.
"But that was mine, with my name on it, the real thing signed by Buzz Aldrin himself."
One thing lead to another and Jimmy remembered that Max had held his book the day before. Then Jimmy got angry. "Max stole it. I know he did."
"Let's not jump to any assumptions now but I can call Max's mother in the morning and see if he might remember where he left it. Now get some rest."
Max didn't want to rest. He wanted to fester, and the more he thought the more angry he got. "I hate Max." Jimmy was restless and could not sleep, so he plotted his revenge until his tired eyes got the best of him.
"Mom, did you call Max's mom yet?" Max was shaking his mother and tapping her on the head with the phone. "Jimmy, don't be ridiculous, It's not appropriate to call people before 6am. Now you can go back to sleep or watch some cartoons if you can't sleep."
"Ugh" Jimmy pouted as he walked away, " You don't even care that my life is over and it's all Max's fault!"
"Now, don't assume dear- we don't know the whole story yet, it will all work out."
Jimmy turned on the TV and waited for his mother to wake up, all the while- getting more angry.
"Mom, can you call now?"
Ring ring... "You've reached the Andersons, we're not home right now, please leave us a message, beep-"
"I'm sorry Jimmy, but we will have to wait until later but let's keep looking for your book, it could still be here. Getting angry at Max won't get you any closer to space camp."
That afternoon, Jimmy went to play with TJ and Garrett, he was still so mad that he told them all about how Max stole his book and ticket and together they planned how to get even and steal Max's dog and never play with Max again.

When Jimmy got home his mother said, "I talked to Max's mother and Max did not take the book or ticket."

"I think he's lying and is too embarrassed to admit the truth," Jimmy shouted.

"Let's be reasonable, it could have been something else."

By this time Jimmy was consumed by the whole incident and taking it all out on Max. Jimmy thought his life was overm without that ticket he may never get to go to space camp and then he could not become an astronaut... so it had to be someone's fault.

Jimmy went to bed angry again.

The next day when Jimmy returned from swimming lessons his mother greeted him and said, "I have some good news for you!"

"Did Max bring my book back?"

"No dear, Max does not have anything to do with this, but I did find your book."
"Really? Where?"
"That afternoon that you and Max were playing was the same day that the cleaners came. They placed the book in the book case with the others and we didn't even know that it was here all along."

Jimmy could hardly believe it. He was stunned that he was wrong. All of that anger for nothing and Max didn't try to ruin his life.

"Jimmy, this is an important lesson to make sure that we don't assume things until we have all of the facts. That wasn't very nice to say all of those things about Max, was it?"

"But I really thought he did it..." Jimmy put his head down and could hardly enjoy having his book again because his mind now recounted all of the things he thought and said about his friend Max. "Do you think Max would ever come and play with me again?"

"I think so, let's see tomorrow. But tonight let's start packing your bags for Space Camp!"

(this is a first draft... anyone want to help edit & illustrate?)

Patience is not my virtue...

I’m sorry… I feel like griping and then I will feel guilty after doing so and set myself straight again to count my blessings. But I can’t wait anymore. I feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb. I have been sitting on it for way too long and all of that ticking is making me crazy. It is not a deadly bomb, in fact there may very well be a party inside but I don’t know. I almost don’t even care what’s inside anymore, I am ready. Bring on the explosion! Endless ticking is the worst alternative. The challenge for me is not knowing when the explosion will be and when the ticking will stop. Please stop. Please let me move forward with my life. I can’t do anything about it, I just have to wait. And if I knew where all of the pieces would land then perhaps I could plan and prepare while I am waiting… but I can’t because I don’t. There have even been a few times when the ticking gets faster so I think it’s about to go… and then it slows again back to a steady “tick, tick, tick…” I am anxiously, anxiously awaiting answers… antsy as can be. I have heard that “patience is a virtue.” But it is certainly no virtue of mine. I should work on that but I’m not sure how. It’s like getting in a line and not knowing how long the wait is because you can’t see the beginning and you don’t actually know what you are waiting for anyway…Who would do that? Crazy people- that’s who. That must be why I am going crazy. Too many unknown factors are making me idle- I like to work, to progress and move forward- but everything is on pause. I know, I know- when the bomb finally booms I will be so busy and so exhausted running around that I will wish for a pause… but maybe not, I am much better in motion! I know all of this talk of waiting is vague- but you get the idea and I imagine you have felt it to some degree too- and you know how unsettling it can be. Of coarse I am still far from “rock bottom” in life, but my sanity has taken a beating. A rollercoaster ride of excitement and possibilities followed by disappointments and let downs but worst of all… more waiting. Tick, tick tick…and more ticking.

In Remembrance

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

I don’t think that we remember enough the sacrifices made by those who have gone before us. Those who fought for our freedom and those who made great sacrifices for our lives to be what they are today. War is real and present and has been since the beginning. It causes heartbreak and sorrow that most of us will never fully understand. It is too casually overlooked as a news headline. Too many have lost their lives, so many have lost their loved ones and others have survived the battles but lost their innocence and happiness. I have walked and wept over the trenches of the Great War where my own great grandfather fought in France. I have visited the beaches of Normandy and the ships at Pearl Harbor. I can’t imagine the more recent tragedies experienced in Vietnam, Korea and now in the Middle East. It was fascinating to learn more this week as the 20 year anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall was celebrated. Such strange things can come out of war and politics. It is important to remember, to remember the lives and history that has shaped and continues to shape our world today. I have only mentioned a few of the wars in the past hundred years but smaller ones have been and are being fought around the world. Needless to say those larger and longer wars have altered the history of mankind throughout the centuries. So today, let us remember…

To each his own bubble

I was talking with my friend from India the other day and in response to my inquiry of why he left India to go to college in Illinois of all places he responded, “I kind of grew up in a bubble there and wanted to get out and have a different experience.” This struck me as very interesting and gave me an instant paradigm shift. From my perspective, Illinois or anywhere in the Midwest would seem to be “in a bubble,” while anywhere in India would seem exotic and rich in culture. But of course this was coming from my limited perspective and bubble of my own. What I see within my bubble is uncharted territory for others, and vise versa. So I started thinking about bubbles. It’s an interesting analogy that people use because if you were to picture yourself literally inside of a bubble, not only would you be limited from seeing beyond the barrier, sheltered from the world around, but I imagine that the rounded edge would distort your perspectives and reflect everything around back to center on you. This would indeed offer a very limited perspective. How interesting to think that all over the world people are stuck inside of their own bubbles, some by choice and others by circumstance. A bubble can be anywhere. It limits you from expanding into the world outside. You can live in a bubble in Africa or London just as easily as the in the Great Plains of Kansas. A bubble reflects you and your world rather than allowing you to see others and the lives that they live. I’m sure there are many bubbles within bubbles, a little one around you, one around your family, another one around your community, your state/country and so forth… The more that we allow other people/things/experiences to penetrate and “burst our bubbles” the more perspectives we can gain on the world at large. Even then, perhaps the world is one big bubble of its own?

Why oh why does that squeaky wheel get greased?

I have heard it a million times, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” It’s not because there is really something wrong with the squeaky wheel or that the other wheels don’t need grease too… it’s really just that all that squeaking gets annoying so that wheel gets greased just to “shut it up.” Same thing goes for people I guess, the people who demand, ask or impose more frequently get what they want because it’s annoying and everyone else wants it to stop and “shut them up.” But strangely enough, squeaky wheels usually keep on squeaking even after the grease. In fact, sometimes they become squeakier and the cycle continues. It’s sad when the other silent wheels dutifully perform without a peep but are neglected and unrewarded. If you apply the principles of survival of the fittest… it’s a strange debate- will the one that demands more survive because they get more, or will the others survive because they have learned how to survive on their own or without excess? It’s difficult to say because in the natural world the latter would certainly be best. But in this very complex modern human world, there is good reason to believe that the former might prevail because they can prey on the soft hearted who can’t say no or they can manipulate others rights to feel discouraged not to give in or take advantage of those who have other things to worry about and will do anything to stop the squeaking. Doesn’t anyone realize that the squeaky wheel is not the majority but just because the squeaking can get so loud and annoying the other wheels are forgotten? The others are too sensible to know that there is no point in squeaking too, that would just cause headaches for everyone. Clearly I am not a fan of these lines of justice being so blurred, frankly- it’s just not fair. But I guess I’ve heard that one before too… “Life isn’t fair...” is it?

A penny for your thoughts....

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts...
Mid- fifties, cute navy blue patten leather flats, scarf, sunglasses and a very complacent look although I cannot see her eyes hiding beneath the large dark sunglasses...
A Banker deeply enthralled in his reading of the Wall Street Journal...
The old Chinese woman just picked up in China town, her old crackling fingers clinging to her pink grocery bag...
An exhausted working mother, tired and quite preoccupied with her blackberry...
The girl who looks like she is scowling at the world but I think that's just her rest face... she is probably really pretty when she smiles...
The guy next to me, reading "Dance, Dance, Dance..."
The list goes on as I take a look around my fellow bus passengers. Up and down, off and on, silent and still... and I just wonder- What are they all thinking about? Thoughts about the day, about what to do when they get home, about friends in distress, about troubled relationships, about what to wear, losing jobs, about war, daydreaming about love, worrying about the kids, financial concerns, news, books, problem solving, who knows... to each their own thought I suppose. It would be so interesting to get a glimpse of all the thoughts that pass on a simple bus ride home (perhaps frightening). It's kind of amazing that everybody is thinking all of the time. So many thoughts, both big and small. So many thoughts that are so fleeting because a new thought so quickly follows that most of them are never explored. And how is it that some people claim to just not think sometimes? That really baffles me. It's interesting how our thoughts really make up who we are- we must think in order to do, and we must do many things to survive in life. Our thoughts determine our beliefs, our moral code and thus how we determine to live our lives. Our thoughts alter our conversations, our habits and our relationships. Our thoughts determine our happiness, how do we look at things? And although I realize that thoughts and feelings are often viewed as opposites, I really think the line is quite blurred, and it's just those who "think too much" that try to define their "thoughts" as the logical thing to do, and their "feelings" as what they want to do.... But really both are just different kinds of thinking. Thinking can get complex and drive us in circles sometimes. Thinking too much or too hard or too fast can get exhausting and confusing at times. Thoughts beget thoughts, and everything around you begets thoughts... they are quite impossible to avoid. I think this is why we need to sleep- so at least we don't know that our brains are still thinking... That's another thing- I am no scientist but do thoughts really come from the brain? Or are they in our spirit? Our soul? It seems that thinking is an element beyond the body. It's all very interesting to me and probably quite boring to other people. Perhaps it's my intrigue with thoughts that makes me willing to share mine from time to time, because I think I would enjoy hearing the thoughts of somebody else. Oh my, if I really had a penny for each of my thoughts, or yours... I could be a rich girl!

"That's the most beautiful part of God, eh? Being almighty and yet not forcing Himself on anyone."-- Mother Teresa

I stumbled across this line in my recent reading and loved the simplicity of such a statement. I love and appreciate that God gives us agency. I am a firm believer in agency, although I know that this sometimes comes with the sting of accountability, it just makes so much sense. I think that God lets us know that he is there, ready and willing and waiting to help us, but we must come to him by our own choice. Although he is almighty and could certainly control our lives and choices for us, rather he guides us and we are taught principles to follow, but we still have our own choices to make of how to live and govern our lives.

Natures?

Too many thoughts today... They have been building up... One moment I am walking through the city- people, stop lights, taxi cabs, business lunches, high heels, men in suits, cell phones, cable cars, electric buses, shopping, cafes, sunshine peaking through the clouds and glistening from one sky rise to the next.... and I think, "I love you city." I'm not sure why, these things usually provoke stress and chaos... but in some strange sense I could see nature behind it all. Like looking at a beautiful beehive oozing in honey with busy little bees swarming about. But then I asked myself, if both the city and the hive can be natural developments by their creators, their species.... then what is unnatural? So often people assume that anything "man made" is unnatural, but perhaps those things are the natural course of man? Where is the line between natural survival of a species and unnatural behavior? Perhaps there is no such thing as unnatural, perhaps there are just different natures... The nature of one animal from the next, the nature of man, and the nature of God. Sometimes they conflict or overstep other natures, but perhaps this is the natural course of life...

Sometimes I envy the homeless

It’s true, sometimes I envy the homeless. It’s an interesting lifestyle, living so unattached. No phone to answer or emails to reply to, not even an address to find you. You kind of get to fall off the map and have a free pass to break all of the rules that society throws at you. You don’t feel obligated to go to expensive dinners or buy gifts. You are on your own clock, you get a lot of free stuff and you don’t have to pay taxes. You can be, do, wear and say crazy things and really nobody cares! Where some of us live in a life that we must have a job to pay the bills… the strange thing is that all too often that job that brings in the money also takes it right back. We must pay for clothes to wear to the job, and a phone to answer to the job, and transportation to get to the job and on top of these other things that add up, we must pay a third of that income to the government for having a job. It’s like a massive penalty fee, and a bunch of little service charges along the way that makes some of us wonder if the return is really worth it. Ok- you get my point and I’ll stop at that because I don’t want to seem too ungrateful and I don’t know if I even dare post this for fear of jinxing myself. I really am so happy to have a job, a home, a bed and a shower and means to provide food and to be connected to friends and family. I know that these are all wonderful things and I am lucky to have them. But sometimes- every once in a while, I confess that I have a moment of weakness where the pressure feels too heavy to keep it up and then I have a fleeting thought where I envy the homeless.

Wall Street Meritocracy

“Part of the charm of Wall Street and what scares most reasonable people away is that it is as close to a meritocracy as exists on this Earth. It’s dog eat dog, sink or swim, you do a trade and it works, you’re a hero! Enlist some clients, you’re a hitter! The flip side of course is what makes Wall Street so dangerous. You lose money more than once and you’re out of a job. Just like that- gone. There’s no tenure on Wall Street. No job security. Ten and twenty year careers end in a flash. That’s one reason why everyone is paid so well. Think of it as combat pay. They make your life miserable hoping you’ll quit before they break you or hoping they break you before you lose money for the firm. It’s not the post office. It’s trial by fire. You would think that would make the entire work force afraid to do anything for fear of being tossed out on their can, back into the cruel cruel averagely paid world. But a meritocracy works in the opposite way. You have wicked smart people trying to prove to each other that they are smarter than everyone else. Unlike acing a chemistry final or even nailing your SAT test, the score is kept with real money. How much of the bonus pool you command for your do or die heroics. Lehman Brothers was a classic Wall Street meritocracy. They wanted to one up Goldman Sachs to win the meritocracy game and get paid in spades. ‘Let’s leverage this sucker up with mortgages. A trillion dollar balance sheet, hey if not us, who?’ When that trade went South, Lehman went bust. You lose money you’re out- good bye. Unless of course the government bails you out. To remit the next blow up, the G20 is trying to limit pay and banish risk. But no matter what bureaucrats do Wall Street’s meritocracy of getting paid will live on. They’re going to find their way around any new rules. The game might move to Hedge Funds or some other dark corner of the financial market. But no amount of reform is going to kill Wall Street’s animal instincts.” – Andy Kessler (Author & former hedge fund manager)

I listened to this piece on NPR’s Marketplace yesterday and found it cleverly entertaining and interesting, certainly based on a lot of truth. Wall Street is kind of a beast of it’s own that may never be tamed. ( If you wan to know more about meritocracy…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meritocracy )

Seventeen

“Seventeen only comes once in a lifetime
Don't it just fly by wild and free
Goin any way the wind blew, baby

Seventeen, livin on crazy dreams

Rock and roll and faded blue jeans
And standing on the edge of everything
Seventeen”

--Tim McGraw

I’m not sure why, but I found myself thinking about this song, and being seventeen. I must admit that I think it is the perfect age. Old enough to understand and appreciate life, but still too young to face the responsibilities waiting around the corner. Perhaps it’s something about September that takes me back to high school football games and the excitement of a new school year that makes me think about that time. Seventeen, one more year before you have to grow up and take on the world. Seventeen, one more year of living under mom & dad’s roof, and one more year with those friends who have known all of your awkwardness and growing pains since middle school. And one more year to decide what you are going to do with your life, and little do you know that this is only the beginning of that question. It’s a time when you take your metabolism and free education for granted. It is a time with little worries that seem so big, followed by bigger fears and dreams of the future. And it is a time when you really are “Standing on the edge of everything…Seventeen”

History in the making...

“Have you ever come across an old school exercise book, or something else you once wrote and, on leafing through it been amazed at how much you have changed in such a short time? Amazed by your mistakes, but also by the good things you had written? Yet at the time you hadn’t noticed that you were changing. Well, the history of the world is just the same. How nice it would be if suddenly, heralds were to ride through the streets crying: ‘Attention please! A new age is beginning!’ But things aren’t like that: people change their opinions without even noticing. And then all of the sudden they become aware of it, as you do when you look at your old school books. Then they announce with pride: ‘We are the new age.’ And they often add: ‘People used to be so stupid.’” – A Little History of the World by E.H. Gombrich

I feel like I see history in the making each and every day. We really are in a new age. I’m not sure what our posterity will call this… perhaps the “Digital Revolution,” in the same sense that the Industrial Revolution once changed history? There are so many changes taking place in the world right now. Perhaps this is the “Golden Age of America” coming to a close, just as the great empires of Rome and Greece and Egypt, nobody knew exactly when they would fall but the unraveling began much earlier than anyone foresaw at the time… Perhaps this will someday be called “The Great Recession” because of the far reaching global effects of the “Mortgage Meltdown” followed by the “Bailout.” It depends on how you break it down, this decade? Or this Century? And what aspects will they look at? The economics? Technology advancements? Social changes? Or the Wars and international relations? It all depends on what comes next. Frightfully so, if an international war broke out in the next few years then they would certainly analyze this time to find out the causes and build up. It is strange how one thing leads to another. Or in medicine, if they suddenly found a cure to cancer, perhaps this time would be talked about as ‘The Cancer Age.” Change is always creeping about. I know that I am young, but already this is not the same world that I entered 25 years ago, and I look forward with both concern and excitement. I can feel the changes, and it seems they are coming faster and faster with time, so many at once, all affecting one another. But as we take a look at history through the ages, things really do have a way of repeating themselves in different forms. People could learn a lot from each other if they looked at those who have gone before…. But all too often we insist on learning the hard way. These are interesting times and history in the making.

Mom & Pop Shops...

Why is it that Mom & Pop shops can survive in the cities but not in the suburbs? Neighborhood restaurants and boutique stores, hole in the wall ethnic cuisines and little trinket shops… they exist and thrive in urban areas. Areas where I imagine real estate is not cheap but business must be consistent enough to keep them alive. I have asked around to figure this out; most people told me that San Francisco has some sort of ban on big chain restaurants and stores. Recently I started looking into this and could not find any facts to back it up. I do think there is some truth to the zoning laws and restrictions but there is more to it than that. It is common throughout many cities in the US. I think a lot of it has to do with the people and consumer habits and thoughts. Shopping and fashion is in many ways the exception, considering the fact that name brands often matter even more in urban areas, so designer stores and popular brands can do extremely well. Trendy Foods can also find their niche in the city, most anything can. And I’m sure that the chain places in the cities still do very well. So why is it rare to see local Mom & Pop restaurants pop up in the suburbs? Not enough people, too expensive? Perhaps people have a hard time trying something new, or they are too cheap, or maybe there are just not very many restaurant entrepreneurs who want to live in the burbs? Maybe there's not enough family/kid friendly appeal, since those are the primary groups in the suburbs? But I have seen spaces in suburban strip malls that have had several different small businesses come and go in the space and each one just can’t seem to make it. Small cities struggle too, and the more homogenous the area, the more difficulty there is for unique/individual places to survive. Tourist towns are often an exception because there is enough traffic to keep things alive. But then again- why? Is it because the visitors are city folks? Or because they are the traveling or adventurous type? One pattern certainly is that the older, the bigger, the more diverse and the more transient the city is… the more likely you will see a little place that you have never seen before. I also think coastal cities have an advantage of access to more types of food and usually more fresh food. Of course, there are plenty of very isolated small towns across the country and throughout the world that are unique and full of their own charm. There’s something about middle class America that screams, “Best Buy” and “Chili’s” and “brand new town homes", or organized developments. Places where everything is new, and stucco and in a chain that you have seen duplicate models of time and time again if you have done any road trips in the past five years then you know what I mean. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this or bad about these places. I too love my endless Olive Garden Salad and breadsticks! But I’m curious about the social phenomena of it all and wonder why it all plays out the way that it does. Do these massive chains scare away the little guys? Is it like the Bookstore battle in “You’ve got mail?” I would be fascinated to see some of the business consultant stats and figures that they have on their target markets, and wonder which ones flop and why? I am curious why so many great little shops and cafes just can’t make it, and why the ones that do, are successful? And what cities or areas do places like Applebee’s avoid and why? I assume they don’t like the beatnik neighborhoods that are always trying to rebel against the norm. There must be a lot of strategy behind it all, and there’s the marketing and PR and internet sending us all sorts of messages that we just don’t receive about the little guys. I don’t know where they get their research but it’s clearly there, we are numbers in their stats. Market research is a big player, done through little things like when we are randomly asked our zip code.... Anyway- besides my curiosity about these chain giants, I am still not sure about the factors that keep Mom & Pop shops afloat but I am quite sure there is some correlation among these random thoughts that I have been spewing out.